Tag Archives: sexuality

5 Things About Men

This is a piece from the Good Men Project that I’ve had on the back burner for a while and I figured it’d be a nice contrast from yesterday’s silly and sweet video. This is a collection of five things about men that women don’t necessarily know or understand, and I think it’s a good one. It shows a lot about the things we expect from men in society, plus a little humour because, well, you have to lighten things up a tad.

What maybe stuck out most for me was the first item: that men don’t receive enough compliments. That’s really sad. I try to give as good as I get with Mike because I want him to know that I feel lucky to have him, so I want to make him feel handsome and smart and capable with my words. I unfortunately understand how rare this is. We assume compliments are for women, who are meant to be pretty, and forget that reassurance and kindness can be good for everyone. Have you experienced a noticeable lack of compliments in your life? Do you think that this impacts your self-esteem and maybe even makes it harder to feel comfortable in your body and your sex life?

The other segments ring true along the same veins… Men aren’t all about appearance, there’s a lot innate in their nature that they have to fight against and that there are unfair standards to which they are held as well, specifically having to do with financial success. We think so often that there are these absolutes about men and women, and they hurt all of us. I hope that you’ll read this as men and feel a little more understood and free to be more yourselves. I hope that women read this and remember that we’re all impacted by the way society expects us to behave and we could all do well to be more aware of it.

I like to talk about how to make men feel more sexually confident a lot here, showing that there’s nothing wrong with their bodies, their sexualities, their desires… But I think that showing understanding of other sides of what it is to be a man can really help with that. How about you? What do you think? Oh, and as for the fifth segment… Have you ever been given a hard time for adjusting yourself? :P

Masturbation Month

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Camille Crimson having an orgasm

Did you know that May is masturbation month? Well, if you didn’t, now you do. As someone who works in porn, obviously I’m very pro-masturbation, but it’s interesting to hear about people who have mixed feelings about their own masturbation habits. A lot of people have some degree of shame around the issue, and I hope that they’ll be able to find a way to enjoy themselves on their own terms.

I think that there are differences in the kinds of shames we feel as men and women to a certain extent, but it all comes down to the concern that we’re going to be seen as perverts for enjoying our bodies… Like there’s something gross about doing so. For men, I think it’s somewhat linked to feeling less than for having sex alone instead of with a partner. The term “wanker” in the UK has given wanking quite a bad wrap for men. As for women, it’s seen as something that good girls just don’t do… Women’s sexuality and pleasure is just so misunderstood that way.

The only way we can really combat this is by enjoying ourselves and trying to be unashamed. It’s hard to get over this kind of stigma, but loving yourself, getting to know your body and experiencing pleasure are all such important aspects of your sexual self and life. What do you think? Have you ever been made to feel ashamed about masturbating? Is it something that you enjoy? Do you ever speak openly about it with people in your life?

Magic of Makeup

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Camille Crimson's makeup kit

What’s that? Oh. It’s an old shot of my makeup kit. This is to say that, a lot of the time, I’m wearing some form of makeup in my videos. Not always, but often enough. When I take candid shots or walk around the city, I’m often wearing little or no makeup. It’s important to give your skin a chance to breathe, and I’m definitely comfortable with and happy about the way I look.

Why am I bringing this up? Well, recently there was a viral post with lots and lots of pornstars before and after makeup. It seems like not all of them consented to having their pictures put up, and they’re definitely not taken in the most flattering of lights. Then, of course, people are commenting on it and saying things about how they don’t look nearly as pretty without makeup, which is very subjective. I think that lots of them look fresh-faced and have a much more natural, girl next door appeal. Sure, some of them have skin issues, but that’s what happens when you’re slathered in makeup day in, day out.

The main thing that I find interesting about this is that it’s a real representation of our misunderstanding of porn in general. We expect all women to look like pornstars and certainly for pornstars to look like pornstars. We expect all sex to look like porn sex. And then people get some mix of angry and disappointed when it’s not what they expect. They feel duped and can’t see the loveliness in the more natural look and experience sometimes.

This doesn’t mean that the fantasy of mainstream porn or the fantasy of fake eyelashes should go away, just that we should have lots of options to choose from so we can see what sex looks like in various different modes… Just as we should understand that women don’t wake up with perfect hair and flawless makeup like a done-up pornstar.

So, what do you think? Do you feel fooled by seeing pornstars without makeup? Or do you like seeing women without makeup? And even beyond that… Have you ever felt fooled by a fantasy that didn’t reflect itself in reality?

Sex as Jamming

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I love an astute observation and a good analogy when it comes to sex, and this video is rife with both of them. Also, as someone musically inclined, it’s right up my alley. This lovely and charming video by Canadian sex educator Karen B. K. Chang is an excellent way of understanding sex… as a musical jam.

It’s drawn/mixed media stop motion video created for the SexEd Project. I think it’s really brilliant. It preaches knowing yourself and practicing with yourself and others, collaboration, understanding sex as a process, communication, presence, an end to sexual shame, consent… Every single comparison is perfect and are the types of things I had never thought about concretely before.

Probably the most interesting statement from this is that pleasure is a renewable resource, which is true of both sex and music… And what a nice thought! It’s something we can create together or alone that has no limit. I hope this is an uplifting thought for you, and I’d love to hear if you have any prolongations for this particular analogy… Let’s jam on the motif and see what comes up!

Men’s Sexuality

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I think this is really fascinating video that I found through the Good Men Project, especially for the first question she asked because I don’t believe I’ve asked it directly here before, which I’ll get to later… Author Elana Millman took to the streets of Canada, it seems, because of the snow and some fairly Eastern Canadian-sounding accents… So I guess we’re getting an in depth look at what (probably) Canadian men think about their sexuality!

The big thing I took away from this video is that, despite the diversity of the way men approach sex and their own sexuality, they all have the same general desired outcome. This is really helpful information for someone like me who is trying to make something which is of course authentic to myself and my relationship, but also accessible to the people watching it. This isn’t to say that we know any more about women’s sexuality than we do men’s , but it’s good to know where they stand!

When talking about porn, they pointed to the ideas of “obliterated intimacy” or becoming completely desensitized to sexuality because of it. Of course, the undercurrent is that they were mostly talking about typical mainstream porn, but I can definitely see what they were getting at. There are some definite assumptions about sex, emotion and women… I’m not sure that women use porn for different reasons all the time, but that there actually might be more similarities than they think.

But then on the other hand, even though they see the capacity for problems, porn is still something they use to set the mood. So, it’s clear that it serves a purpose, but they just wish they had more options away from typical degradation, especially when it comes to spicing things up with a woman. Sounds like a job for beautiful porn!

Many of them are champions of honest, direct communication. It’s really heartening to see that a random cross-section of men would be able to identify how important that is for themselves and for their partners.

They did a brief segment about talking to friends about sex, which is something we’ve spoken about here before. They didn’t specifically mention talking to female friends, though, which was the really interesting trend that emerged here.

So, I wanted to ask one thing to close, which is actually the opening question of the video: how did you first learn about your sexuality, and do you think it has framed the way you approach relationships, porn and sex in general?

Weekend Blowjob

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Camille gives a sexy blowjob in a t-shirt

We did promise the update, and here it is! It’s called Weekend Blowjob, and it is made to capture the sweet simplicity of waking up and knowing you don’t have anything in particular to do except be with each other and enjoy the opportunity to thoroughly relax.

I love this one because we’re just totally casual. My hair is up in a messy bun, I’m wearing my cute t-shirt/short tunic which shows off my body just right without seeming too done up and I’m all fresh-faced and happy. You can see our cozy blanket, Mike’s cast-off pyjama pants and just the little bits and pieces that makes a comfy winter weekend blowjob so lovely.

I’ve been loving X Files lately, as it’s up on Netflix and I’m going through a rewatch, so that’s what we did after the blowjob finished… We just cozied up and enjoyed ourselves by indulging yet another pleasure. Isn’t that what weekends are all about? You can see a little excerpt from our lovely morning in the trailer and cozy right up with us in the full version. I hope this resonates with you and gives you a little something to look forward to for next weekend.