Hey. Sophie here. Long time, no see, I guess. After the confusion and general unpleasantness of the response to my last post here, I kind of avoided this blog, but I wanted to be straight with everyone because something is likely going down and I want you to be on board, or at least aware.
So, I want to do porn. I’ve danced around this for years. I met with a SuicideGirls photographer when I was 18, but I chickened out. I had some recruiters from Playboy magazine come talk to me when my school was chosen as a party school on one of their big annual lists, but it didn’t feel right. I started working in porn and opportunities seemed to be coming up left, right and centre from artsy folks, queer folks, community-oriented folks and even some bigger names who made me swoon just thinking about it. I was still too scared at the time, though now I’m much more settled in my career. But what I really want to do is shoot for The Art of Blowjob. So, what has been holding me back now?
Um… You. Not you personally (though, maybe) but the idea of the past fans of the site and what they might think/say about me and what it means for me to be on the site. I know there’s going to be a certain percentage of the audience that will say just plain mean things, but I’m not even really talking about the internet trolls… I’m talking about people who will assume things about my motives and intentions in moving from behind the scenes to in front of the camera, so I want to proactively set the record straight.
The thing is, I’ve been a Cyrano de Bergerac type for a long time and it didn’t at any point suit me. I am far too opinionated and self-possessed to try to be anyone but myself, and I value authenticity in so far as that is possible in the adult industry. By finally being myself and exploring my sexuality and sexual politics on my own terms, I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do. Yes, I’m benefitting from the platform I’ve cultivated over the past over four years with this company, but this is a culmination of desires and opportunity over nearly a decade. I have mulled this over and I have made my decision. Sure, it’s going to be different than what it once was, but the personality and potential of the site can change and grow. I hope you’ll be open to it.