Tag Archives: funny

Cosmo Tips Gone Wrong

By Loryn Brantz of Buzzfeed

By Loryn Brantz of Buzzfeed

In this hilarious (and horrifying) comic by , you can learn all the blowjob tips you SHOULD NEVER DO, as (mostly) seen in Cosmopolitan magazine. They’re known for their hilarious enthusiasm for scrunchies, sticky syrups and humming, but I don’t think they ever actually advocated using open flames… that may be a little creative license. Still, I guess her heart is in the right place with the use of a soothing burn ointment handjob… Right?

See the full comic here and then… Don’t try this at home. Well, maybe try the show tunes part.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Sexy Piper lounging

Happy St. Patrick’s day, everyone. Piper’s Irish eyes are smiling and she’s covered up with a beautiful green wrap. If you’re Irish or just enthusiastic about leprechauns, the colour green, drinking or yelling along to Irish ditties, it’s a pretty fun holiday. For us, it’s mostly about making terribly awesome puns about oral sex. After all, today is a day to get lucky! And what makes you luckier than licking? Of course, you can always kiss the “blarney stone” which theoretically could mean just about anything, but we mean genitals. ;) Top of the morning wood to ye! And, for the more analingus-ly focused: bottoms up! I think my favourite one by far is that, well, it’s magically delicious. And really, what’s more magical or delicious than oral sex?

However you say it, you can celebrate St. Patrick’s day with us at The Art of Blowjob and The Art of Cunnilingus.

Hilarious Steps to Have More Sex (For Men!)

Camille Crimson having passionate sex with her boyfriend

You like sex, don’t you?  Well, you probably wouldn’t be here if you weren’t at least intrigued by the concept.  Cracked has 4 tips to help men get more sex, but it’s not at all what you think or what you might expect from them.  I think a lot of people think of Cracked as pure comedy, and in many ways it is, but this is comedic advice with a heavy dose of reminding men to treat women with respect.

Their points are as follows: treat her with respect forever, don’t JUST be nice — be an interesting human being, don’t think that sex is owed to you and, perhaps most poignantly, don’t read advice on how to get women/have more sex.  This is some really great and nuanced advice couched in hilarious references to everything from a fake Robocop script to anthropomorphized ice cream treats.  It occasionally veers into fake misogynist lingo, reading like the usual sex tips that men get, but it’s actually just very positive and woman-friendly concepts being fed to people who might not be expecting it.

What do you think of this?  What if we infiltrated all sorts of traditional vestiges of manliness?  Is this a spoon full of sugar to help the medicine go down, or is this hiding the medicine in something so they’ll not even realize it until it’s too late?  By medicine, I mean realistic sex and relationship advice that goes against what men are usually taught.  Maybe we could extend this to women’s magazines, too!  But who knows if you could continue to sell issue after issue and get the hits you need if you were always talking about respect…  Maybe you could!  Thoughts?

What’s Poppin’?

Delicious spicy treat for redhead Camille Crimson

Sometimes Mike and I like to have fun with the narrative of a video.  A lot of our videos are just a simple, straight-forward look at things, but once in a while we like to spice things up…  Literally.  One of the treats that Mike makes for me that I really love are his jalapeño poppers.  They’re delicious and they involve bacon…  Plus, they were the inspiration for this cute update on the new site!  What’s not to like?

Well, so, there is one thing not to like…  They’re so spicy that they literally make me cry.  My eyes water from the sheer heat, but I enjoy them anyways.  Sometimes it’s worth it, especially when he makes them for me!  I just can’t resist, kind of like this weird otter and his watermelon:

It's an otter eating watermelon

And that’s the first and last time I’ll compare myself to an otter who enjoys (or does not enjoy) fruit.  Probably.  Hopefully you’ll enjoy this video, which is a little slice of life from our home…  He only wanted to make me happy, but we wound up with tears!  Do any of you have this reaction to spicy things?  I guess it could be worse!  :P

Cloudy With a Chance of Blowjobs

Camille Crimson receiving an amazing cumshot at the end of a sensual blowjob

One of the lovely things about shooting porn the way that we do is our use of natural light.  Usually nature cooperates with us very nicely.  Sometimes there’s a cloud or two, or it’s just uniformly cloudy, so we flick a switch or enjoy the low light as is.  This particular video is an anomaly because there were rapidly rolling clouds that filled the sky.  It’s called Cloudy With a Chance of Blowjob because, well, how could we not call it that?

There’s something very cool about the resulting effect from the passing clouds.  The video is half brightly lit and half dimly lit, so it’s almost as though the blowjob takes on different moods depending on whether there’s a cloud hanging out with the sun.  It almost would have been fun to try to time more serious, dramatic sensations for the cloudy portions and more playful, cheeky ones for when the sun is out in full force.  That would have been a bit too put on, though, even if it would have been very interesting.  Like the Jekyll and Hyde of blowjob videos!

The end of this video is definitely “sunny” because it’s just a silly blooper.  It goes to show you that we’re 100% real…  We wouldn’t reshoot just because something ended up more silly than we intended.  We’re humans, and our body parts don’t always have the best aim.  Needless to say, I ended up with more cum in my nose than in my mouth.  Well, not quite, but still!  Has this ever happened to you?  It’s quite a peculiar sensation.  Regardless, you should check out a little bit more about the update, or watch the full video and enjoy the contrast between the darkness and the light…  And then giggle at me getting a nostril full of cum.  Happy Friday to us all!  That might be just the way to kick off the weekend.  ;)

Porn or HBO?

We already know that we want more penis on HBO, but that’s because there’s already such a sexy precedent set by the channel!  This video exemplifies just that…  HBO sex scenes, when taken out of context, sound exactly like porn.  Many of their shows feature softcore takes on extremely hardcore sex in situations that might not even organically come up in most porn…  At least not the porn I make.  They’re certainly more intense than the average bedroom, I’d believe.

This is fantasy, of course, but it’s still quite vivid…  As is porn!  Maybe I should be thanking HBO for normalizing this level of vivid erotic content.  After all, if you can see all of the things on Girls, True Blood, Game of Thrones, etc…  What’s to keep you from logging on and looking for some high-quality cinematic porn after your favourite show is over, just when your appetite is whet and ready for a little more?

Are there any sex scenes (and we’ll open this up to non-HBO shows and movies, too) that have made you unbelievably turned on?  Would these scenes, if they did contain non-staged sex, basically be porn, at least when taken out of context?  Or is there a difference outside of the fact that it’s mainstream television, so it couldn’t possibly be objectionable?  Oh, and I hope you find the video funny, too!  I think it’s pretty charming.