I think this is really fascinating video that I found through the Good Men Project, especially for the first question she asked because I don’t believe I’ve asked it directly here before, which I’ll get to later… Author Elana Millman took to the streets of Canada, it seems, because of the snow and some fairly Eastern Canadian-sounding accents… So I guess we’re getting an in depth look at what (probably) Canadian men think about their sexuality!
The big thing I took away from this video is that, despite the diversity of the way men approach sex and their own sexuality, they all have the same general desired outcome. This is really helpful information for someone like me who is trying to make something which is of course authentic to myself and my relationship, but also accessible to the people watching it. This isn’t to say that we know any more about women’s sexuality than we do men’s , but it’s good to know where they stand!
When talking about porn, they pointed to the ideas of “obliterated intimacy” or becoming completely desensitized to sexuality because of it. Of course, the undercurrent is that they were mostly talking about typical mainstream porn, but I can definitely see what they were getting at. There are some definite assumptions about sex, emotion and women… I’m not sure that women use porn for different reasons all the time, but that there actually might be more similarities than they think.
But then on the other hand, even though they see the capacity for problems, porn is still something they use to set the mood. So, it’s clear that it serves a purpose, but they just wish they had more options away from typical degradation, especially when it comes to spicing things up with a woman. Sounds like a job for beautiful porn!
Many of them are champions of honest, direct communication. It’s really heartening to see that a random cross-section of men would be able to identify how important that is for themselves and for their partners.
They did a brief segment about talking to friends about sex, which is something we’ve spoken about here before. They didn’t specifically mention talking to female friends, though, which was the really interesting trend that emerged here.
So, I wanted to ask one thing to close, which is actually the opening question of the video: how did you first learn about your sexuality, and do you think it has framed the way you approach relationships, porn and sex in general?