How can you be positively sex-positive? There are lots of ways to express it, but Rachel Rabbit White of (among other things) The Frisky has a list of ways to be sure that you’re doing your best to encourage everyone in your life (including yourself) to enjoy sex in whatever ways they want. There are 8, but I wanted to share a few of my favourites:
1. “Having sex is healthy, but so is not having sex.” I try to emphasize this over and over again. There are so many ways to be sensual with yourself… Watching porn and taking your time with it can be a really amazing way of exploring that. I don’t ever want to use language that makes it seem like you need a significant other to have a good time. But also, you don’t even need to be sexual at all if you don’t want to be. Granted, you’re not likely going to be finding my sites if you don’t at least like a little quality solo time, but there is no requirement to do so in life. Sexuality should be live and let live. No one should feel weird for doing what feels right, as long as everyone is consenting!
3. “Slut-shaming also means shaming people who are more “out of the box” with their sexuality than you.” This should go without saying… I try not to speak ill about the lengths that anyone goes to when it comes to sharing or exploring their sexuality. That may seem obvious, since I make porn, but I try not to be negative about the people who make more mainstream porn, even though it’s not my personal route. I may not always agree with the business of big, mainstream porn, but I would never judge the personal choice to appear in it. The more we try to step back from big, overarching snap judgments, the more likely we are to open our minds and understand (or at least accept) what we were initially wary of.
8. “Intimacy is complex.” This is certainly one that I need to check in with myself about. I try to lead by example and talk about communication and show how that has positively impacted my life with Mike, but I also don’t want to assume that it’s this easy for everyone. You, as well as any partners you might have or have had, have different experiences than mine. I’m lucky that so many of you share your lives with me and I get to give my two cents from time to time. All I can do is try to be understanding and see where you’re coming from when your experiences of intimacy are different than mine.
What are some steps or thoughts that have helped you to be more open and non-judgmental about sex and sexuality?