You like sex, don’t you? Well, you probably wouldn’t be here if you weren’t at least intrigued by the concept. Cracked has 4 tips to help men get more sex, but it’s not at all what you think or what you might expect from them. I think a lot of people think of Cracked as pure comedy, and in many ways it is, but this is comedic advice with a heavy dose of reminding men to treat women with respect.
Their points are as follows: treat her with respect forever, don’t JUST be nice — be an interesting human being, don’t think that sex is owed to you and, perhaps most poignantly, don’t read advice on how to get women/have more sex. This is some really great and nuanced advice couched in hilarious references to everything from a fake Robocop script to anthropomorphized ice cream treats. It occasionally veers into fake misogynist lingo, reading like the usual sex tips that men get, but it’s actually just very positive and woman-friendly concepts being fed to people who might not be expecting it.
What do you think of this? What if we infiltrated all sorts of traditional vestiges of manliness? Is this a spoon full of sugar to help the medicine go down, or is this hiding the medicine in something so they’ll not even realize it until it’s too late? By medicine, I mean realistic sex and relationship advice that goes against what men are usually taught. Maybe we could extend this to women’s magazines, too! But who knows if you could continue to sell issue after issue and get the hits you need if you were always talking about respect… Maybe you could! Thoughts?
I got a tip off about a “you be the advice columnist” thing that xoJane is doing now, specifically because their latest question was pretty related to my field of expertise… It’s about wanting a blowjob from a feminist! Specifically, this guy just started dating a feminist and he’s worried about how to ask for a blowjob. Then, the commenters got to weigh in. Luckily, they were right on the mark.
The beauty of feminism is that the vast majority of us are sex-positive, meaning we like sex, we embrace it as part of our lives and we do what we can to be informed from safety to skill. We’re just women who believe we should all be equal… We can be extra sexual or not at all sexual, just as all other human beings come in a range of personality types, but there is something about identifying as a feminist that might even make us more open to discussing sex.
Blowjobs aren’t anti-feminist, obviously. They’re a sex act, just like any other, and adults can decide to enjoy whatever they want. Ask nicely, be open to their desires and go from there… The idea of a man-hating feminist is pretty antiquated. If you’re a man dating a feminist, that’s a pretty good indication that she’s open to men, male desire and all that comes with it. If she’s not personally into blowjobs, that’s a matter of personal taste.
Of course, this guy also seems to have issues with the fact that he’s getting ahead of himself… They’ve only been dating for a short while, they haven’t kissed yet and he can already see them having a life together. It seems like all this anxiety about blowjobs and feminism has more to do with his personality type than it does with the woman he’s dating, but it’s still a good reminder for everyone else… Blowjobs are for everyone.
Are these “essentials” really at all essential? I realize that I’m speaking from a particular viewpoint here, but when I saw this video, I was kind of surprised by everything she’s rattling off here without fundamentally explaining that these are very much frills as opposed to integral parts of a great blowjob.
Granted, she’s clearly marketing these products as part of her business, but this kind of advice has always rubbed me the wrong way because it makes it seem like bells and whistles are the most important part of a sexual encounter. People who are looking up this kind of video on Youtube are generally seeking advice because they aren’t as confident as they’d like to be, so they’re not going to be in the best position to be skeptical when someone is trying to sell them something.
I’ve had fun with trying different things over the years, including a cock ring (not vibrating with weird little dangly parts) and a warm sip of tea or coffee or a cool glass of water is nice to try every so often, but the main thing that is amazing about a blowjob is the passion, connection and sensuality. It’s not about tricks and how many things you can use to distract attention away from your mouth… It can be enjoyed just in its similicity.
This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try new things and be adventurous, but you don’t need re-branded Pop Rocks or Altoids to do it.
What do you think? Do any of these tips sound good? Do you think that this video might give the impression that you need most/all of these things (maybe even at once) to be a real blowjob expert? See? This is why I try not to give very specific advice… Just be creative, know yourself and try to get to know your partner too.
Sophie passed this along to me after stumbling upon it during a routine term search. I’m glad she did. Stoya is a pretty pale brunette, so I definitely like that about her. She’s also a porn performer who keeps a blog and writes for other people from time to time about porn-related things that touch on her personality. I love it when there are other people in the industry who are into sharing a more in depth look into what they do and how they approach sexuality in general.
She recently wrote a piece for Vice all about my undeniable passion pursuit: blowjobs. But what really made me smile was how much her advice mirrors exactly what I tell people when they ask me how to give a great blowjob, as well as her rejection of the typical (and persistent) requests for specific tips and tricks:
“What’s your number-one tip for giving the best blowjob?”
This question drives me insane. I usually pause to shoot murderous looks at whichever PR person has set up the interview before responding. I have two sound-bite-sized answers: “Don’t chomp down on the dick unless the person it’s attached to has expressed a desire for that sort of thing,” and “Experiment, communicate, and pay attention.”
Sound familiar? I don’t get upset when asked (people legitimately want to know) but I do make sure to be very clear that there’s no one magic secret to giving an amazing blowjob… Anyways, she’s clearly a woman after my own heart. She goes on to talk a lot about the idea of enjoying the sum of a person rather than their individual parts, which I think is very important, especially considering how what someone likes one day can shift the next… Which she very intelligently remarks on as well. It’s ultimately all about communication, both in this article and just in life. And isn’t that a wonderful thing? What’s more encouraging to motivate an open dialogue than the promise of satisfying blowjobs, and sex in general?
In closing, I’m not sure if she drew this, but it came along with the article and it tickled me pink. As a gamer, I can see how it might be handy to have a cheat code for orgasms, but blowjobs aren’t a game… They’re an art.