Category Archives: Sex

Why Do We Have Sex?

I have a confession to make: I’m not having sex right now. At all. I’m taking a break from dating while I do some Sophie-related soul searching, and this includes even the casual, easy ongoing fling I’ve had for the past… Almost year. With a boy I really liked who suited my tastes and weirdnesses to a T… But, that’s neither here nor there. It is HARD, and the fact that I write about sex and spend a tremendous amount of my day around porn has made sure that my mind is on it even more than it already would be, but do you know what? That’s okay. I’m doing the best thing I know to do for myself right now, as suggested by my very innovative and persuasive therapist. All this is temporary, and it should lead to a happier me, if a super sexually frustrated me over the next few months. It’s been a week, but a rough one.

The main reason I’m doing this is because I want to look at the reasons I’m intimate and make sure they’re actually making me happy and making my life better instead of worse. Neutral would be okay too, but definitely not worse. Well, wouldn’t you know that the university just a few blocks away from me (University of Toronto – site of the Feminist Porn Conference!) is in the process of studying why people have sex and how that rates in terms of satisfaction and well-being? They’re only doing this work with couples (for now) so I’m not likely to become a lab rat for them, but at least I can look at their findings and apply them to my life, and perhaps to yours as well!

They found that when you’re having sex for positive reasons, you’re likely to have a much better time than if you’re having sex for negative reasons. This may seem obvious, but I don’t think it’s something people put much stock in. Positive reasons like increasing intimacy and connection or feeling better about yourself are more inclined to put you in touch with your partner and yourself and revelling in your sensuality together for its own sake, whereas doing it because you feel like you should or because it will smooth over a fight… Not so much. Wifely duties shouldn’t be a thing, and that goes for any other partnerly duties, too. A slave to duty is just that… And if you’re going to be a slave, you better have a safeword!

Sex is a wonderful thing, and we should all be having more of it (though not me right now, I guess) but it’s valuable to take a step back and make sure we’re feeling good about what’s going on. There’s something to be said for giving pleasure rather than focusing only on receiving it, for rallying and for making a concerted effort to promote intimacy, but there’s work on the self that must be done to ensure that this is a positive choice rather than self-coersion. You shouldn’t ever have to talk yourself into sex. That’s very different than making time for it or making it a priority. By checking in with ourselves, we’ll be able to enjoy it infinitely more.

Nude Selfies: What’s the Big Deal?

Without lauding what this particular lawyer dude from Delaware is up to (because he seems kind of skeevy) I do think that he has a point… Why do we care so much about people seeing our nude and/or sexual selves? This is an idea which is near and dear to my heart because, well, I get freaked out about it a lot. You see, my work is what I’d call porn-adjacent. I’m in the thick (PUN!) of it in terms of my day to day operations, but I am not the subject nor am I sexually available in any meaningful way because of my job. Sometimes I dabble in blogging, reviews or interviews which include a glimpse into my sexual life (these days, it’s absolutely nothing to write home about anyways) but it’s always done in an arm’s length kind of way. I’m lucky that I don’t feel any pressure to go any further than I feel comfortable. Camille and Mike are very respectful of me and would never ask anything beyond my desires…. But I am undeniably curious at times.

I mean, I have a very outgoing personality, I’m a decidedly sexual person and, even though as a bigger girl I’m not everyone’s favourite flavour, I know the niches that would work for me. Every year, along with representing our sites, making valuable contacts and soaking in the inspirational environment, the Feminist Porn Awards always brings at least a few tempting offers to shoot with some of my idols. So far, I’ve shrugged them all off with sheepish statements about just being a behind the scenes type of gal, but it does make me question why I’m so reticent to share my sexuality and my body online.

This reluctance doesn’t just mean that I wouldn’t likely shoot professional porn, but also that I’m almost overly judicious about any way that my body could appear online. The only sexy videos and photos I’ve shot with former partners were mutually deleted in what is almost a half-ceremonial/half-legal exchange — last time over delicious Vietnamese takeout. On the increasingly rare occasion I’ve had any reason to get sexy over webcam with an object of my affection, I’m actually very cautious to only have my face OR my body in the shot, and to have a sufficiently ambiguous backdrop. With the propagation of ex-girlfriend/revenge porn sites devoted to ogling non-consensual sexts and screengrabs, you can never be too careful even though I trust those with whom I’m e-intimate.

I certainly have absolutely zero sexual shame, I’m confident about my body, I’m quite up-front about sex with the people in my life… There shouldn’t be any reason for such concern, but there are still external societal pressures to keep the theoretical sex separate from the physical embodiment (or digital reproduction there-of) in order to feel safe from the more intense ramifications of sex-negative culture. I’m happy and secure with my job and feel an increasing comfort in my path in the sex-positive sector, so I’m not particularly concerned about my image in that respect and I’m relatively confident that I could explain a foray into porn to absolutely any friend or family member… I guess it’s largely that, though I don’t view sex itself as private, I struggle with the vulnerability required to share it. Once it’s out there, it’s out there, and you can’t entirely control the way people interpret it, even as a person with a background in porn PR.

Maybe I’m just too uptight. After all, I’m also not the type to get a tattoo for fear of regrets over that which cannot be undone, but I so deeply admire those who can let go and do what they want. I’m a little too in my head to divorce my desires from the potential impact of doing something which is stigmatized in many ways, though less overtly so. Perhaps if it became more normalized, it’d be easier. It’d definitely be healthier for everyone societally to share and bare our sexual and physical selves to reduce shame, promote our differences and find kinship in our baser natural states.

I’m not saying we should make like that University of Iowa TA and accidentally attach a sexy video instead of the solutions to her math homework, as I think that there’s a time and a place for everything and that a delineation between overt public/professional persona and the sexual self is still important, but I think that we should be able to shrug off such situations as a moment of exposed humanity and move on. That takes some doing, which only comes through normalizing such sexual expression. It’s kind of a catch 22. I know that more people need to be willing to be open to cause the shift, and that starts with the individual… In this case, with me. Will I do it? I guess we’ll see.

- Sophie

16 Beautiful Cumshots

16 cumshots on beautiful redhead Camille Crimson

16 cumshots. That’s like a valu-pack of cumshots.

How to best celebrate the news that Camille may very well be getting her second surgery this weekend and exiting the hospital not long after? A 21-gun salute? A thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters? 76 trombones? (Did I just make a musical theatre reference on a porn blog? Seemingly.) But no. 16 beautiful cumshots, which is the full cumshot count of the latest update on The Art of Blowjob. This is ingenuity at work here. Even though Camille is still cooped up in her hospital bed, they managed to put together something that won’t just tide people over until she’s back home, but they put out something that people actively ask for all the time.

This video is made to be enjoyed and celebrated, just as Camille approaches every single blowjob and resulting cumshot. She’ll continue to rest up and heal so that she can be back here in full working order, and in the meantime, you have 16 cumshots in which to revel… At least in the full video. After all, what better way to support Camille while she (literally) gets back on her feet than by enjoying a membership to one of her sites. Or all of her sites… You do get a lot more sexy photos and videos that way! And, really, what’s better than that?

I hope you all have a very happy weekend, and hopefully I’ll be back here with more good news soon.

Oh Joy Sex Toy

Oh Joy Sex Toy cartoon sex reviews

Courtesy of OhJoySexToy.com – Drawn by Erika Moen

To break up all of the medical updates, I wanted to share some sexy media that I really enjoy. I like sex toys and the occasional webcomic and I love inclusive, fun and smart approaches to sexual education, so Oh Joy Sex Toy is exactly my jam. It is, in many ways, a review site, but everything is clear, direct and including detailed instructions for how to use it with realistic physical depictions. It’s made by comic artist Erika Moen, sometimes including input from her wonderful partner Matthew. It’s great that they share toys for men, women, other genders, single people, couples, groups and more. Two of my favourites are even included: the Hitachi Magic Wand and the nJoy Plug. These are equal-opportunity toys. If you’re curious, you should consider investing. They come with the Sophie Seal of Approval.

Instead of drawing themselves in action, they have a group of people called the masturbators who show different ways to enjoy various products and kinds of sex. This also makes it a lot easier to show diversity of bodies, races, ages, genders, sexualities… It was a really smart way to make the comic inclusive without being self-congratulatory. It’s just fun to draw lots of different people with different looks.

They also don’t just review toys. They explain non-sexual body-positive products, safer sex/contraceptive methods and even sex acts themselves. Maybe we could get them to review one of our sites some day… I want to see a pretty cartoonified Camille. That said, they don’t pull any punches and aren’t afraid to point out the weirdness of certain things out there. (Check out their review of Little Rooster. It sounds like an awful idea for someone like me. I’d come to associate sexual pleasure with being woken up, and I know it wouldn’t work the other way around when you hate mornings as much as I do. WORST.)

This is what sex ed should look like. Everyone should be reading this.

Luscious Fire

Camille crimson delighting in the sun during a gorgeous blowjob

Natural light…  Is there anything better?  We’ve had some really great luck with playing with shadow and light these days.  Today’s update on The Art of Blowjob has a gorgeous sun patch that was perfect to curl up in.  I’m not quite a ginger cat, but I do love enjoying a beam of light when it comes to giving a beautiful blowjob.

It’s really exciting to see how this turned out.  The light only emphasizes my pale skin, which is lovely.  It didn’t really obscure my vision as much as it would seem from the shot.  It was just nice, bright and warm.  But the more exciting aspect is definitely how it lit my hair ablaze…  That’s why we called it Luscious Fire.  My hair is halfway between shadow and light, flashing so many different shades as it’s illuminated.

I hope you’ll enjoy the light play here.  It’s amazing how much a simple thing like this can really make the movie.  Oh, and there are some close-ups of my behind, too, just so no one gets too distracted by the light.  You can read a little bit more in the description, but the full video shines like the sun.  Let me know what you think of the choices we made here.

Steps to Sex-Positivity

Camille Crimson having sex before giving a beautiful blowjob

How can you be positively sex-positive?  There are lots of ways to express it, but Rachel Rabbit White of (among other things) The Frisky has a list of ways to be sure that you’re doing your best to encourage everyone in your life (including yourself) to enjoy sex in whatever ways they want.  There are 8, but I wanted to share a few of my favourites:

1. “Having sex is healthy, but so is not having sex.” I try to emphasize this over and over again.  There are so many ways to be sensual with yourself…  Watching porn and taking your time with it can be a really amazing way of exploring that.  I don’t ever want to use language that makes it seem like you need a significant other to have a good time.  But also, you don’t even need to be sexual at all if you don’t want to be.  Granted, you’re not likely going to be finding my sites if you don’t at least like a little quality solo time, but there is no requirement to do so in life.  Sexuality should be live and let live.  No one should feel weird for doing what feels right, as long as everyone is consenting!

3. “Slut-shaming also means shaming people who are more “out of the box” with their sexuality than you.” This should go without saying…  I try not to speak ill about the lengths that anyone goes to when it comes to sharing or exploring their sexuality.  That may seem obvious, since I make porn, but I try not to be negative about the people who make more mainstream porn, even though it’s not my personal route.  I may not always agree with the business of big, mainstream porn, but I would never judge the personal choice to appear in it.  The more we try to step back from big, overarching snap judgments, the more likely we are to open our minds and understand (or at least accept) what we were initially wary of.

8. “Intimacy is complex.” This is certainly one that I need to check in with myself about.  I try to lead by example and talk about communication and show how that has positively impacted my life with Mike, but I also don’t want to assume that it’s this easy for everyone.  You, as well as any partners you might have or have had, have different experiences than mine.  I’m lucky that so many of you share your lives with me and I get to give my two cents from time to time. All I can do is try to be understanding and see where you’re coming from when your experiences of intimacy are different than mine.

What are some steps or thoughts that have helped you to be more open and non-judgmental about sex and sexuality?