Category Archives: Gender

Faking and Fantasy

Sexy redhead give a blowjob in glasses

I love learning a few sexy new facts, and I like them even better when a few of them are entirely focused on what goes on in the mind.  After all, as much as the physical is very, very fun, a tremendous amount of it is informed by what goes on in your brain.  So, two aspects really intrigued me about Jezebel’s recent little roundup on sexual findings.

The first thing that really pinged to me is exactly how many men fake orgasms…  Apparently it’s up to 67% when it comes to divorced men.  Obviously there’s a lot of talk about women faking and the reasons around that, but there’s also a lot of expectation put on men to be able to have orgasms…  It’s linked to virility, but it’s also seen as manly to want lots of sex and to be able to come on demand, but not too soon or too slowly.  Sometimes it’s just not going to happen.  So, I have to ask…  Have any of you (divorced or otherwise!) ever faked an orgasm?  What was your reasoning, or what keeps you from doing it?

The other thing that sounded incredibly cool here is that women (though maybe men too) are able to get aroused, sometimes to the brink of orgasm, just by imagining being stimulated.  The brain is a sex organ, but it may actually be able to arouse us right through various stages of desire and fulfillment.  Has anything like this ever happened to you?  I know that I can imagine my nipples being played with and I can experience some pretty intense sensations…  And I certainly salivate before I’m ever around a penis if I’m thinking about a really visceral blowjob experience…  It’s pretty phenomenal.  How about you?

What this really means is that we can and should be thinking more…  Fantasizing, letting our minds wander and experiencing that as part of our sexual expression both alone and with a partner.  It can make for more arousal, more orgasms…  Even though the latter is definitely not the be all and end all.  It’s just about enjoying yourself, whatever form that takes.

Hilarious Steps to Have More Sex (For Men!)

Camille Crimson having passionate sex with her boyfriend

You like sex, don’t you?  Well, you probably wouldn’t be here if you weren’t at least intrigued by the concept.  Cracked has 4 tips to help men get more sex, but it’s not at all what you think or what you might expect from them.  I think a lot of people think of Cracked as pure comedy, and in many ways it is, but this is comedic advice with a heavy dose of reminding men to treat women with respect.

Their points are as follows: treat her with respect forever, don’t JUST be nice — be an interesting human being, don’t think that sex is owed to you and, perhaps most poignantly, don’t read advice on how to get women/have more sex.  This is some really great and nuanced advice couched in hilarious references to everything from a fake Robocop script to anthropomorphized ice cream treats.  It occasionally veers into fake misogynist lingo, reading like the usual sex tips that men get, but it’s actually just very positive and woman-friendly concepts being fed to people who might not be expecting it.

What do you think of this?  What if we infiltrated all sorts of traditional vestiges of manliness?  Is this a spoon full of sugar to help the medicine go down, or is this hiding the medicine in something so they’ll not even realize it until it’s too late?  By medicine, I mean realistic sex and relationship advice that goes against what men are usually taught.  Maybe we could extend this to women’s magazines, too!  But who knows if you could continue to sell issue after issue and get the hits you need if you were always talking about respect…  Maybe you could!  Thoughts?

Sex-Negative Feminism

One of the things I did a while back was ask around about what people might like to see on my blog.  Outside of more blowjobs (of course!) one request was to hear more from Sophie.  She was quite happy to oblige, so here’s what she had to say in response to an xoJane article about the concept of sex-negative feminism:

Thanks, Camille! I always feel like a field reporter when you have me blog here. This article has been on my mind for a while because I just can’t quite wrap my head around her reasoning, so I finally decided to break down and post about it in some way. I identify as a sex-positive feminist, but it’s certainly not without critical thought, and that appears to be the crux of the problem with the argument she presents: she thinks that people come to sex-positive feminism without questioning it and making sure it’s the right fit for themselves, or that feminism doesn’t truly enter our view of sexuality at all. It’s not that feminism doesn’t play a role in our understanding of our sexuality, but that our feminism allows for enjoyment of sex in spite of a deeper thought process around it.

She says that she calls herself a sex-negative feminist “because it’s a startling term” which I don’t disagree with, but it doesn’t really accurately reflect how she feels. I would assume it was just click bait based on the article, but she does seem to strongly prefer the label. The author paints herself this way, but ultimately espouses much of what is expected of a sex-positive feminist. For example:

Being sex-negative doesn’t mean that I fancy myself the chief inspector of the sex police, or that I am personally judging what you do in bed, or that I’m conservative, or that I’m engaging in repressive moralizing. It doesn’t mean that I hate sex workers, or that I want to ban sex work or porn (and, in general, I tend to leave those conversations to women who do sex work while I shut up and listen to what they have to say). It doesn’t mean that I hate sex or that I’m embarrassed by it.

That’s pretty sex-positive, or at least sex-neutral, to me. You can be critical of sex-positive feminism, and I think that’s incredibly important as someone who regularly looks at my sexual life choices, my position in the pornographic community and my own sexual politics, but the main criticism of sex-positivity (including her main criticism) is unbelievably disempowering; we are sexually enthusiastic and performative not because we as women want to be, but because the patriarchy has forced us to be this way. We can’t possibly truly consent or be unharmed by our “kinks” because this is all a construct meant to keep women down. Our pleasure isn’t real, particularly if it relates to male pleasure or anything that could seem like female subjugation… Particularly porn. To this I say: and?

This may be sound rhetoric. In some ways, I have no doubt that it’s at least somewhat true, but what are we supposed to do about it? Should all women retreat from sex and go generations without it until we can finally create our own sexual dialogue, free from patriarchy? That doesn’t sound very realistic. A much better way is to be active in sexual communities and concepts, making room for women to negotiate the complexities of being women having sex in our culture. We can be kinky, make porn and enjoy our sexuality on a superficial level without ignorance of the framework in which we’re doing so.

Sex-positivity should never be about saying that it’s wrong to not like sex, not like porn or not like certain aspects of our sexual culture, but it is to say that we can’t ultimately shut it down because of the condition it was in when we got here… We just need to be allowed to enjoy it as we can and derive pleasure while trying to gain back some of the power that has historically been kept from us. It’s not compulsory to participate, it’s just important to respect the choices of those who do…

The reason I bring this up is chiefly because, as we’re on a porn adjacent site, we’re in a centre of sex-positivity, and a lot of people seem to assume that goes without critical thought and analysis. We truly try to focus on being intelligent about the way we present our porn and to be the most encouraging and friendly to our audience. As a marketer, I hope we’re doing a good job at this.

Encouraging Safe Exploration

There have certainly been a number of lovely articles coming from men who get it over on Good Men Project, and this one is absolutely no exception.  This is a letter from a father to his daughter, understanding that she is going to have sex and wishing her well with it.  It’s a reaction to the idea that a dad should always be holding a loaded shotgun to threaten any boy who wants to date his perfect little princess…

Women, even younger women, should be able to explore at an age-appropriate level without feeling like their “purity” is being held back by someone other than herself.  This is true of young men too, of course (and anyone in between) but the stereotype is a man keeping his helpless daughter away from horny teenage boys.  Regardless, we really can’t control what other people do with their lives and their sexualities.  All we can do is encourage them to respect themselves and make safe(r) choices, educate them to the best of our abilities and provide a willing ear and a hug if/when things go wrong.  Really, this is not just about being a parent…  It’s for anyone who has anyone in their life…  You just have to live and let live.

Good for the author (Ferret Steinmetz) for being an encouraging, optimistic and kind father.  I hope that any of you with people in your life (whether it’s your kid, a family member, a friend, even a partner) who is venturing out into the unknown will take this great example and try to find ways to be supportive instead of limiting.  Have you ever had this kind of experience in your life, where you are worried for or feeling protective of someone?  How did it play out?  And, more specifically to the article, what do you think about this kind of approach to sexuality and parenting?

Geek Girls Are Real

Upworthy shared this video, and I wanted to share it with all of you.  Although I certainly spend a lot of time here talking about porn and sex, I also spend a certain amount of it talking about gender and about my own personal interests (outside of porn, sex and gender, of course) including some of my geekier proclivities.  Luckily, I haven’t been subject of much speculation on whether or not I’m geeky enough, but it’s tremendously common for women, especially those in sexier professions.

This song is pretty and catchy, but it’s the smiling faces of proud geek girls who really make it, and the simple defiance that they don’t have to prove anything.  It’s nice to have passions and interests and to feel a sense of community, and to have people bully you and tell you that you can’t really love what you love because you’re a girl (or you’re pretty/sexy/seem cool…) is a real shame.

On top of the lovely music by The Doubleclicks and some very special geek guest stars, it’s just a lovely message.  What do you take from it?  Do you think anyone can be a geek?  They do say that we shall inherit the earth.  :P

Making the Circumcision Decision Based on Blowjobs?

Beautiful blowjob by a seductive redhead

Sometimes I just want the world to stop jumping to all sorts of conclusions, particularly about sex and our bodies.  This article from Jezebel is the latest example, and it practically makes me shudder, and certainly makes my heart go out to all sorts of people who have these misguided assumptions about themselves or their prospective partners…  This is particularly about one woman’s decision to circumcise her child because she wanted him to get blowjobs when he grows up, assuming that someone with a foreskin would be less likely to get them because of prejudices against the uncircumcised in North America…  Seriously?

To anyone who thinks this could be true: it isn’t.  Any person who you would want to suck your penis would not think this.  Scrub good, of course, but that’s universal.  Everyone should make sure to smell/taste good, but having a foreskin requires what?  A few more seconds of washing?  It’s not that tough.  They’re retractible, they don’t get in the way, if anything they give a little more to play with…  There’s no shame in being circumcised or uncircumcised.

Everyone has their reasons for choosing whether or not to circumcise their child, but this consideration should absolutely not be an issue.  All it does is further the notion that it’ll be harder to get blowjobs with a foreskin, and we shouldn’t be floating that idea around or giving it any kind of credibility.  It’s giving great penises a bad name, and no one needs any more sexual or body-related shame in their life!

What do you think?  Is there any validity to this kind of thinking?  Has anything like this ever crossed your mind?  Or did this article make you hopping mad or frustrated?