Category Archives: Gender

Pleasing Your/My/A Man

Sensual and cuddly blowjob

Reddit is great for a lot of things, but sometimes I have to say that their advice, though well-intentioned, is… Let’s just say interesting. Recently there was a thread where someone was asking what the boyfriends of Reddit would like as a random surprise. They actually came up with a number of options ranging from sweet to… Again, interesting.

Some of the ideas are nice and simple… Giving little hugs from behind, little surprise gifts, massages. That all sounds pretty normal. Then, washing him, which is a little more out there, but not exceptionally strange. It turns out a lot of men want food, which is fine, although one guy was extremely particular:

Tacos. Like, I want to have a Saturday where we’re driving to the mall or something, and suddenly she pulls out a whole tray of tacos from under the seat and is all like ‘SUPRISE! TACOS’ and then we would eat tacos.

Ladies: say it with tacos. But, there was one thing the original poster reminded everyone up front: “Please no one say BJ, i know thats at the top of everyones list.” And what ended up happening? Well, they spoke about blowjobs anyways. Extensively. So, if you don’t have a place to store tacos in your car, you can always show you care with a blowjob, even though we already know it’s the first thing the very large majority of men would like as a surprise. ;)

5 Things About Men

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This is a piece from the Good Men Project that I’ve had on the back burner for a while and I figured it’d be a nice contrast from yesterday’s silly and sweet video. This is a collection of five things about men that women don’t necessarily know or understand, and I think it’s a good one. It shows a lot about the things we expect from men in society, plus a little humour because, well, you have to lighten things up a tad.

What maybe stuck out most for me was the first item: that men don’t receive enough compliments. That’s really sad. I try to give as good as I get with Mike because I want him to know that I feel lucky to have him, so I want to make him feel handsome and smart and capable with my words. I unfortunately understand how rare this is. We assume compliments are for women, who are meant to be pretty, and forget that reassurance and kindness can be good for everyone. Have you experienced a noticeable lack of compliments in your life? Do you think that this impacts your self-esteem and maybe even makes it harder to feel comfortable in your body and your sex life?

The other segments ring true along the same veins… Men aren’t all about appearance, there’s a lot innate in their nature that they have to fight against and that there are unfair standards to which they are held as well, specifically having to do with financial success. We think so often that there are these absolutes about men and women, and they hurt all of us. I hope that you’ll read this as men and feel a little more understood and free to be more yourselves. I hope that women read this and remember that we’re all impacted by the way society expects us to behave and we could all do well to be more aware of it.

I like to talk about how to make men feel more sexually confident a lot here, showing that there’s nothing wrong with their bodies, their sexualities, their desires… But I think that showing understanding of other sides of what it is to be a man can really help with that. How about you? What do you think? Oh, and as for the fifth segment… Have you ever been given a hard time for adjusting yourself? :P

Sexual Epiphany

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Stroking and smiling with my eyes as I point your cock into my mouth

This piece from Good Men Project really piqued my attention, so I figured I’d share and see if you felt the same way. The idea is that, while a lot of relationships end up lacking in sexual passion, it’s not exclusively the fault of the person who is seen as holding back or withholding sex.

In fact, it’s not just about relationships, really. It’s just a shift of consciousness where the sexuality is in our hands, regardless of anyone else. Steve Horsmon (the author) said it best:

The sexual epiphany I am talking about is the point in a man’s life when thinking, wondering, and worrying changes into leading, romancing and enjoying. This epiphany does not just happen with age. It must be earned. It is simple but not easy. If it were easy, every guy would be doing it and would be happy with his sex life.

Regardless of whether it’s a man or a woman having this epiphany, I think it’s pretty important, and even outside of sex. It’s the realization that no one else is responsible for your happiness if you’re not willing to be an active participant too. You create your own magnetism by being genuinely excited about life, about yourself and about your partner. I think it’s a pretty lovely way to live.

What do you think? Do you think this all sounds to simple, or are there nuggets of truth in there? Read the rest of the article and let me know!

The Science of Size

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Smiling redhead with a Christmas gift

As far as I’m concerned, good things come in ALL packages! (And that explains the Christmas photo… Get it? Presents? Packages?) Evidently, not everyone agrees, including one recent study from Canada, of call places. I don’t know how I feel about science commenting on things like this… What does it serve to do?

So, a particular focus group is more attracted to a particular penis size? Does that really represent all of us? No, probably not. For as many women out there who love very large penises, I’m sure that there are just as many of us who aren’t bothered either way, and I’m sure there are plenty of women who even prefer a moderately sized penis. I’m even sure that there are women who have a preference for a smaller penis. There are as many desires as there are people, and these desires mean very good things for the way we interact with each other.

I know that some people get all up in arms when studies like this come out, thinking it reinforces negative things about their bodies or about women, and I just want to emphasize here that there are so very many women who care infinitely more about the person than the size of the penis attached to them. So, I encourage you all to be confident and love the penis you have… A study of a small sample of women should never negate your worth and the way you love your body.

What Do You Focus on in Porn?

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Redhead Camille Crimson gives a gorgeous sucking blowjob

This is something that has always been quite interesting to me… What do you focus on when you watch porn? I think, partly because I’m making blowjob videos, this is of particular interest to me… Is it about the penis/mouth action or the face? Of course, it doesn’t have to be about one or the other, but it is interesting to think about what draws your attention first or the longest…

Apparently, for men, faces draw their attention first, then they spend some time looking at genitals and back to faces, according to this one study. Women seem to be more open with what they focus on, which differs depending on whether or not they’re on birth control… I guess hormones play a role in that, supposedly. But they mean to say that women have a larger variety of things that can potentially turn them on, whereas men look specifically to faces/genitals as sources of arousal.

Do you think this says anything about why we watch what we watch? Maybe there is some truth to the idea that women would want overall higher quality porn, as their focus could be drawn to any number of things… Maybe that’s why there’s a backlash against porn that looks too fake, as it might draw attention away from a naturally beautiful face that would capture a man’s attention in the first place.

What do you think? You can check out a post about this study and let me know if you find this to be true, and then what this might actually say about what people could want from porn.

Men’s Sexuality

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I think this is really fascinating video that I found through the Good Men Project, especially for the first question she asked because I don’t believe I’ve asked it directly here before, which I’ll get to later… Author Elana Millman took to the streets of Canada, it seems, because of the snow and some fairly Eastern Canadian-sounding accents… So I guess we’re getting an in depth look at what (probably) Canadian men think about their sexuality!

The big thing I took away from this video is that, despite the diversity of the way men approach sex and their own sexuality, they all have the same general desired outcome. This is really helpful information for someone like me who is trying to make something which is of course authentic to myself and my relationship, but also accessible to the people watching it. This isn’t to say that we know any more about women’s sexuality than we do men’s , but it’s good to know where they stand!

When talking about porn, they pointed to the ideas of “obliterated intimacy” or becoming completely desensitized to sexuality because of it. Of course, the undercurrent is that they were mostly talking about typical mainstream porn, but I can definitely see what they were getting at. There are some definite assumptions about sex, emotion and women… I’m not sure that women use porn for different reasons all the time, but that there actually might be more similarities than they think.

But then on the other hand, even though they see the capacity for problems, porn is still something they use to set the mood. So, it’s clear that it serves a purpose, but they just wish they had more options away from typical degradation, especially when it comes to spicing things up with a woman. Sounds like a job for beautiful porn!

Many of them are champions of honest, direct communication. It’s really heartening to see that a random cross-section of men would be able to identify how important that is for themselves and for their partners.

They did a brief segment about talking to friends about sex, which is something we’ve spoken about here before. They didn’t specifically mention talking to female friends, though, which was the really interesting trend that emerged here.

So, I wanted to ask one thing to close, which is actually the opening question of the video: how did you first learn about your sexuality, and do you think it has framed the way you approach relationships, porn and sex in general?