Category Archives: Humour

World’s Longest Tongue

Adrienne Lewis of Michigan has an amazing tongue. It may even be the world’s longest tongue. That remains to be seen by the Guinness Book of World Records, but Brazzers has already taken note and contacted her to see if she’d perform in a scene for them. She has already made it pretty clear that she’d not be interested. If you watch the video, you’ll even see that her boyfriend wishes he could beat up the internet.

Not wanting to be pummelled, we just wanted to bring attention to her Youtube page and hope that you’ll take note of her exceptional tongue. While we’re very happy for her, it’s important to note that size isn’t everything, but you could certainly stand to emulate some of the moves in her videos to limber up before going down. Consider her dexterity aspirational and use it for whatever suits you, even The Art of Blowjob or The Art of Cunnilingus!

Ballsy New Venture

Ballsy bike lights

Canada is responsible for some pretty great inventions: basket ball, penicillin, anything else I learned on a Canadian Heritage Minute. Now we have one more! You remember truck nuts? Well, Toronto designers have gone a step further and come up with Bike Balls. That’s right!

They’re like truck nuts (in a way) except that they hang out under the seat of your bike and actually serve as a great source of light to let people behind you know that you’re a bike. A bike with BALLS! Now, I don’t actually know how to ride a bike, but I might have to start because these just sound too great for words. But… do they turn blue when you really need to get somewhere but you’re stuck at a light or in a big urban traffic jam? These are the thoughts that show you that I definitely work for The Art of Blowjob!

What do you think? Would you embrace this unconventional invention? The Kickstarter is over and they made 3x what they asked (nearly 40k) but you can still back it if you like!

Cosmo Tips Gone Wrong

By Loryn Brantz of Buzzfeed

By Loryn Brantz of Buzzfeed

In this hilarious (and horrifying) comic by , you can learn all the blowjob tips you SHOULD NEVER DO, as (mostly) seen in Cosmopolitan magazine. They’re known for their hilarious enthusiasm for scrunchies, sticky syrups and humming, but I don’t think they ever actually advocated using open flames… that may be a little creative license. Still, I guess her heart is in the right place with the use of a soothing burn ointment handjob… Right?

See the full comic here and then… Don’t try this at home. Well, maybe try the show tunes part.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Sexy Piper lounging

Happy St. Patrick’s day, everyone. Piper’s Irish eyes are smiling and she’s covered up with a beautiful green wrap. If you’re Irish or just enthusiastic about leprechauns, the colour green, drinking or yelling along to Irish ditties, it’s a pretty fun holiday. For us, it’s mostly about making terribly awesome puns about oral sex. After all, today is a day to get lucky! And what makes you luckier than licking? Of course, you can always kiss the “blarney stone” which theoretically could mean just about anything, but we mean genitals. 😉 Top of the morning wood to ye! And, for the more analingus-ly focused: bottoms up! I think my favourite one by far is that, well, it’s magically delicious. And really, what’s more magical or delicious than oral sex?

However you say it, you can celebrate St. Patrick’s day with us at The Art of Blowjob and The Art of Cunnilingus.

Last Minute Halloween Idea?

Pam from Archer

Pam, the loveable HR representative from Archer.

Halloween is just around the corner. It’s my favourite time of year, I’d have to say. I love dressing up, parties and candy. I’m not actually so much about the spooky stuff, but one of my favourite traditions is to carve a bunch of pumpkins, save the seeds and toast them to eat later while watching a few of the classic Treehouse of Horror Simpson’s Halloween specials. While I already know what I’m going as (Pam from Archer: see header photo) I have just the thought for those of you who are 2 days out from various parties without a single idea of what to wear:

So easy! A suit jacket with tails, fishnet thigh highs and a g-string with a bow tie. Oh, and the incredibly ability to move your buns to Beethoven in perfect time with grace and elegance. I assume at least one of you will wear this… But who will it be? Regardless, I hope you enjoy this ode to the butt and to one of the world’s most celebrated composers. Can’t forget about him.

Hilarious Steps to Have More Sex (For Men!)

Camille Crimson having passionate sex with her boyfriend

You like sex, don’t you?  Well, you probably wouldn’t be here if you weren’t at least intrigued by the concept.  Cracked has 4 tips to help men get more sex, but it’s not at all what you think or what you might expect from them.  I think a lot of people think of Cracked as pure comedy, and in many ways it is, but this is comedic advice with a heavy dose of reminding men to treat women with respect.

Their points are as follows: treat her with respect forever, don’t JUST be nice — be an interesting human being, don’t think that sex is owed to you and, perhaps most poignantly, don’t read advice on how to get women/have more sex.  This is some really great and nuanced advice couched in hilarious references to everything from a fake Robocop script to anthropomorphized ice cream treats.  It occasionally veers into fake misogynist lingo, reading like the usual sex tips that men get, but it’s actually just very positive and woman-friendly concepts being fed to people who might not be expecting it.

What do you think of this?  What if we infiltrated all sorts of traditional vestiges of manliness?  Is this a spoon full of sugar to help the medicine go down, or is this hiding the medicine in something so they’ll not even realize it until it’s too late?  By medicine, I mean realistic sex and relationship advice that goes against what men are usually taught.  Maybe we could extend this to women’s magazines, too!  But who knows if you could continue to sell issue after issue and get the hits you need if you were always talking about respect…  Maybe you could!  Thoughts?