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I like steak. I like blowjobs. I don’t much care for Steak & a Blowjob Day. It might come as a surprise to hear this from me, an esteemed Blowjob Novelist who for some reason has decided to completely alienate his target audience, but this is one load of truth that I can not hold back any longer.
The tone of the official Steak & a Blowjob Day website is as you might expect: the spawn of Maxim magazine and the Beef Council. Photos galore of hotties in their underwear, hard at work in the kitchen. While I do give them credit for raising money for charity, they are more or less confirming that this day is in fact an act of revenge against Valentine’s Day and it is an act of entitlement against significant others. This holiday stinks of the deplorable men’s rights movement, but it can not be as easily dismissed.
Believe it or not some truly brilliant, feminist, sex-positive women, who I have nothing but admiration for, have decided to embrace, or at least refrain from outright attacking, this obscure March 14th celebration. I want to stress that they are much better people than I, for I will show no such mercy.
There are also the men: my friends and acquaintances who enjoy S&aBJ Day without any malice and I don’t mean to deprive you of it, but perhaps give you some food for thought. A metaphorical side of vegetables to go with that steak. And I guess I’ll hang around to watch the blowjob too, since you offered.
This blog post is mainly for the guys, but ladies, you might want to stick around because you are going to enjoy this. What follows are three simple reasons to forget all about Steak & a Blowjob Day.
Don’t care for Valentine’s day? Then why are you celebrating it? Is your arm being forced by your significant other? Did you slog it through some holiday that you don’t like and then embrace the invention of a holiday that was created as an act of petty revenge? This whole thing sounds very passive aggressive, which is not an especially manly attribute.
This holiday revenge is more than a little misguided if you ask me, or better yet, if you ask my wife. In reviewing this incendiary blog post of mine, she pointed out to me that Valentine’s Day actually comes with an already built-in expectation that a woman must trade sex for flowers and dinner. V-Day is not the wash for women that men like to assume it is. In fact, with S&aBJ Day you are trying to double dip a month later for your alleged V-Day generosity and romantic gestures.
With regards to Valentine’s Day, I have two suggestions for you:
You don’t need revenge. You need a better plan for Valentine’s Day.
“There is, of course, nothing more political than food.”
Do I believe steak is political? Hell yes. What really bugs me about S&aBJ Day is the steak part of it. It conjures all sorts of outdated and sexist stereotypes about gender roles, not to mention, the thought of some dude going all Raging Bull on his woman for overcooking said steak. Word of advice for dealing with Raging Bull: pair the overcooked steak with an under-sucked cock.
Steak is also political due to the obvious environmental and health related reasons. I don’t hate meat. I can grill you one of the best steaks you’ve ever eaten. Do I believe in steak as the pinnacle of a manly celebration or an essential part of a man’s lifestyle? Hell no. It is harmful to our health and the environment, not to mention, animal welfare. If you are not slaughtering your own cow, then you’ll have to forgive me for not being impressed with your masculine prowess to buy a plastic-wrapped factory product.
What in the hell was my original point here? Oh, right: meat and blowjobs don’t mix. Erectile dysfunction is more often seen in men with elevated cholesterol levels. In other words, men who eat like shit aren’t popping boners. I don’t think I even need to provide a citation for this well known scientific fact, so I won’t.
Worse yet, meat makes for bad tasting semen. I will provide a citation for this, but all I really had to do was ask my wife. We cut back drastically on meat over the last few years and I’ll never forget the day she sucked some of my… how can I put this gently… STICKY WHITE LOAD off of her finger and told me how great it tasted.
You don’t need to eat more steak. You need to cut back on the meat and begin a cum tasting experiment with your partner, similar to that citation in the paragraph above that you just ignored but are now scrambling to click on.
Nothing beats a good blowjob. If I had it my way, I would get blown morning, noon, and night, 365 days a year. One woman could not possibly keep up with that regimen. At some point, she’d have to feign enthusiasm for this daily chore, despite the large and magnificent phallus before her. What made it a chore, in that blowjob-greedy parallel universe I just invented, was the expectation.
If you set an expectation for a specific sex act to happen on a particular date, you’re most likely going to get the “chore” version of that sex act. Just like it was a chore for you go get those Valentine’s Day flowers (Quit getting flowers. Get cheese). So go ahead and swagger on up to that special lady on March 14th and drop those britches, but prepare yourself for some mediocre head. When you’re ready to cum, she’ll probably ask you to finish yourself off onto a towel in the next room.
You see, blowjobs don’t need to be a chore in this day and age. Women are reading and watching porn more than ever. Graphic blowjob websites that lovingly showcase Facial Fridays (NSWF) are being nominated for feminist porn awards. Men everywhere should be riding high on this new wave of female-empowered cock worshiping but instead a misguided few are waiting at the kitchen table with a knife and fork in their hands and their pants around their ankles like entitled jerks.
You don’t need to turn blowjobs into a chore. You need to create a safe and supportive space for women to become the deepthroating, ball-sucking, cum-guzzling sluts that they choose to become and you can start by removing the expectations.
Men: you aren’t doing yourselves any favors by demanding retribution for your Valentine’s Day gestures in the form of meat and fellatio. Get your Valentine’s Day issues sorted out and earn your blowjobs the old fashioned way: by being a healthy and attractive person. Or money. You can buy blowjobs with money.
Women: consider offering to give your man a blowjob any day except for Steak & a Blowjob Day and I encourage you to follow my 4-step system. Thanks for reading!
Article Thanks to Brixton Atwood’s Blog!
I think that the most wonderful gifts are the ones that come straight from the heart. I’m not a very materialistic person, I prefer to receive things I really need or experiences. I think a BJ or going down on your partner is a great Christmas gift or little extra that goes with your gift. It is important to give love to your friends and family. To your partner, you should give a part of you or all of you, for at least thirty minutes! Check out my wish list!
Here are some very naughty New Year Resolutions, at least you might succeed with achieving those ones!
Possibly because the excitement of it all is much higher and the gain too. Who would refuse orgasms?
Try to accomplish each resolution, one every day!
On the 1st of January: Be More Spontaneous!
Do not schedule sex, it’s a mood killer! On the other hand, you can arouse each other, knowing very well where and when it’s going to end. When you feel like having sex make your partner want it too. You can do so by sending dirty pictures, dirty texts, anything to get him/her in the same mood as you.
On the 2nd of January: Get On Top!
When you are on top, be confident. If he or she lets you be on top it’s because they like it when you are there. Don’t be shy to have as much fun as you can your pleasure will probably increase your partners pleasure at the same time.
On the 3rd of January: No Bedroom Sex!
Try to have sex, at least three time in the week and that not in the bedroom. It will give you the chance to be more spontaneous and also to try new positions, because of the different types of furniture.
On the 4th of January: Oral Sex!
Of course, we were not going to forget oral sex! We are all about it on TheArtofBlowjobs and TheArtofCunnilingus. Do not use oral sex as foreplay, use it as actual sex. Do not let it go further, you can 69 to reach orgasm at the same time or you can take turns.
Do it and learn to love it. It is with practice that we become good at things and learn to like them. The same principle applies for Blowjobs and Cunnilingus’, you will like it once you master it. Go head and practice!
On the 5th of January: Learn What Works For You!
Learn to know yourself in a sexual context. What drives you too the edge? You can not let your partner do all the hard work. You can show him or her all your bottons or you can take care of yourself from time to time. As a women it is alright to touch your clitoris when he his inside of you. As a man you can hold her hair to control the paste and the rhythm of the blowjob.
On the 6th of January: Play Out Your Fantasies!
At least one of your fantasies must be pretty realistic. Accomplish the easiest at first, the others will follow. Don’t worry, you will always have new ones, we never cease to desire.
On the 7th of January: No Hands Rule!
Use all your other senses to feel your partner. Look at her, smell her and hear the sound of her heart, her breathing, her moans. For the kinky, you can tie your partners hands.
Since Christmas is here, I thought I would share with you my favorite Christmas movies. Hope you enjoy!
I know they are pretty much all kids movies, but isn’t it why Christmas was made in the first place?
Miracle on 34th Street the 1994 version. It’s about faith in the Christmas spirit.
Gremlins, it is cute and a little crazy at the same time.
The Nightmare Before Christmas, a classic! I can watch it from Halloween to Christmas and even Easter if I really feel like it.
Home Alone, seriously funny! I wish I was that kid.
Enough of the children movie, I do have some more adult suggestions.
Joyeux Noël, a beautiful movie!
The Family Stone, lots of drama, like all normal Christmases with the family.
Eyes Wide Shut, if you need a little sexiness and mind games.
Durex’s campaign is trying to encourage people to use condoms in this brillant ad. When we are in the heat of the moment, sometimes our desires are just more powerful than our will. Many are ashamed of asking their partner to use a condom. There is a lack of confidence from both genders, it comes with the fear of being rejected or to be perceived as not cool.
Lets not forget that condoms are not only made to prevent pregnancies, but it seems like the fear of a child is often more disturbing to people than the fear of getting a sexually transmitted disease. That is why many people loose the condom rapidly, when the woman tells the man she is using a contraceptive or is not ovulating.
Do you have a rubber?
There is also the issue-who should cary the condoms? Even if the female condom is available in many drug stores, it is more expensive than the male condom. Its not a widespread product, making harder to find and to use.
That leaves us with the male condom. As much as men find it uncomfortable, it is the safest way so far! The condom is as efficient as the way you use it. The usage of male condoms is well known, even by women, making it the safest way. Two brains are always better than one, even to slip on a rubber.
Women should carry condoms, if they think of engaging in a sexual acts. We all know that in the end, the man is the one wearing it. It is not because he will wear it that he will always think of having one on him. Safe sex should come from both parties.
The easiest is if you are a man full of will and you stop yourself to put on the condom, before she even asks you to. When it comes from the woman, as a man you will have to oblige to purse sex. Keep in mind that the sensation is different for her too. She feels you less warm and wet. The condom also makes the textures and definitions of your cock more flat, giving her less sensations. The plastic rubbing on the walls of her vagina is less personal for her too.
A condom well used is the best way to prevent STIs and pregnancies. To be on the extra safe side you can always combine methods, like the condom and the pill.
There is no easy way to have safe sex, but it might just be easier than spending the rest of your life with herpes or worst a child that you do not want.