My favourite pornographic poet Cal shared this lovely piece with me, and I figured that today is as good a day as any to share it. It’s a letter from writer Anais Nin to a private erotica collector who wanted her to focus more on sex and less on the poetry (both figurative and literal) surrounding it. She encourages him to go beyond “this periscope at the tip of (his) sex” and to see the value beyond the “explicit, mechanical, overdone … mechanistic obsession” of base sexual desire described in plain language. Sometimes, when I’m encouraged to have sex that’s outside of my natural desires (and that’s putting it politely) or to showcase my body in a way that doesn’t feel right to me, I do think of the fundamental differences between the basics of showing sex and the human body to bring the audience to orgasm and the act of framing it in a realistic way filled with love and artistry.
There’s no wrong way, as far as I’m concerned, to express your sexuality, at least as long as everyone involved is consenting… But I do think it’s wrong to expect things, even from performers or writers, that go against their modes of sexual expression. Nin wanted her work, even that which is paid for by the collector, to be sensual and romantic and interesting and intense. This is what I want too. She says it best:
Sex does not thrive on monotony. Without feeling, inventions, moods, no surprises in bed. Sex must be mixed with tears, laughter, words, promises, scenes, jealousy, envy, all of the spices of fear, foreign travel, new faces, novels, stories, dreams, fantasies, music, dancing, opium, wine.
I’m not so sure about the opium, but I’m with her on the wine. Sex is so much more than the meeting of genitals. It’s an experience which we can link to any other aspect of life to increase pleasure, significance and depth. I hope this inspires you to find a way to heighten your sexuality and go further than going through the motion. I know it did for me.