Over the past day or two, Reddit has been all about one post by a former pornstar with tips for women. As someone who is in porn too, but in a totally different way, it’s really interesting to read her tips. I’m not here to discredit anything she wrote, but just to expand/give my own take on it from a beautiful porn perspective and as someone who likes to think about sexuality and relationships in a slightly unconventional way.
Point #1 has her talking all about positioning, specifically arching her back. I say, do it if you like, but don’t risk scoliosis! 😉 She does mention looking back and showing that you’re enjoying doggy with some smiles! That is something I can definitely root for. The more connection and clear pleasure, the better!
#2 suggests that you find a way to watch the action. I love that, of course, but it should be a choice rather than a performance. Be curious about it and find the arousal yourself!
Point #3 is a strong yes from me! Take initiative! Let your partner know what you want.
Sexy lingerie and surprises are always fun, as #4 points out, and you can definitely do it for someone else… Just do it for yourself too. The sexiest you can be is the kind of sexy you like to be, because comfortable sexuality radiates confidence.
Things like showing enthusiasm in the moment (with grabbing your partner’s body, moaning and moving as a reaction to pleasure) and via text message (in points #5 and #6) are awesome, but only when they’re not JUST a performance. You can be performing a bit, but performing something you’re actually excited about.
Her point #7 is naturally most interesting to me, because it’s about showing excitement about blow jobs. She suggests that you focus on showing that you think he’s big, that you’re hungry for it or that you’re a bad girl about to show him something… You are totally welcome to portray any kind of reasoning for loving what you’re up to (not just blowjobs, but any sex act) but it doesn’t need to be a script to follow.
Posing is just that… posing. Her #8 point is about finding the positions that look best. That can be empowering, it’s just not necessary unless it’s something you want to be doing. Be yourself! This goes for everyone.
As she says in point #9, when you’re receiving pleasure, be present and show that you’re having a good time. This doesn’t mean you need to be clawing the walls and screaming, but do what feels natural to you to be encouraging… Eye contact and that genuine connection is the secret ingredient to having a wonderful time.
Finally her last point is the best by far. Don’t do this all all the time. Do what feels right and what hits. Sex shouldn’t be about seeing how many things you can juggle… And get your pleasure too! “Profit” is not the term I’d use, but knowing how to get what you want means that even giving pleasure won’t feel like a one way experience.
What do you think of her tips? Does it seem a little too porny, or are there nuggets of truth? What else would you add?