This is my first ever edition of the The Camille Crimson Guide to Owning and Operating a Penis. Welcome! You can get a bit of background about why I wanted to start this project here, but here’s just a brief overview:
Essentially, I think that, while it’s very important for there to be lots of blogs, articles and resources about women’s sexuality as it has been more commonly ignored throughout the ages, I feel like we need to remember to talk about male sexuality as well. Sometimes it can feel like everything caters to men in porn and conventional sexual information, but that makes a lot of assumptions about men and paints them all with the same brush. Hopefully I’ll be able to tackle some issues to make men (and the people who love them) better understand themselves and their place in sexual culture.
For my first week, I wanted to tackle maybe the most commonly asked question about penises… Is it big enough? If I had a dime for every time someone came to me with some variation of that concern, I’d be a rich woman, but I’d rather not be… The thing is, the fact that you’ve all been conditioned to think it’s such a big deal makes me very sad and I want to lay out a woman’s opinion on the whole thing that might recontextualize things. Of course, I’m just one woman – though one with a pretty reputable understanding of the penis, but there are many others like me… The majority, I’d say, so heed my words and hopefully you’ll feel better for it.
In a word: yes. Your penis is big enough. Don’t worry about it.
If only it were that simple. There’s a lot more to undo and unpack here. First, where do we get these concerns? A certain amount of it is biological… The need to compete with other men runs deep. There’s also a tremendous fear of inadequacy that has taken on a more social aspect, which is the main issue at play. This is coupled pretty easily with concerns about being big enough to please your partner, and that’s a huge part of it as well, so that’s what I want to address most of all.
This is a situation in which imagined concerns are so much worse than any real ones. There’s a tremendous emphasis on huge penises in porn, which is how the vast majority of men see the vast majority of penises. We know they’re bigger than average, but we don’t know by how much, and worse than that, it seems that most men underestimate their own sizes. The truth is, porn performers are substantially bigger than the average, often by as much as 4-5 inches, which is nearly doubled. Because men see these penises in the most flattering angles, they look even larger, especially compared to seeing your own penis from above.
The average penis is generally thought to be around 4-6 inches, depending on location and study. I’m not here to talk scientific specifics, though. What I mean is that, for the most part, people within this range think that they’re below average because of porn, because of underestimating their size and because they don’t understand what the average really is, and this is absolutely my experience with men who come to me worrying that they aren’t big enough.
The bigger truth is that virtually all women really don’t care much. Any reasonable person is able to understand that what we see in an idealized hypersexualized context like porn isn’t real life. The fact is, the vagina isn’t that big. We don’t need huge penises and, in fact, they can be a draw-back…
This isn’t to rag on big penises, because all penises are awesome, but it’s certainly harder to give a blowjob with a full range of motion on a larger penis and it can make sex very painful. As much as people see size as a blessing, imagine not being able to be deep throated or having to hold back when having sex… It’s not a great thing.
Basically, it’s really important to look on the bright side, be realistic and to try to carry yourself with confidence. If you’re having serious ongoing self-esteem issues with regards to your penis, talk to someone. Otherwise, just focus on being an intuitive and giving lover and treat your penis with respect! It’s the only one you’ve got. Trust that anyone will be happy to have it and you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
I have heard from my female friends about their frustration with small penises. I presume it has to do with the stroke during intercourse. These friends also complain about penises that are too large and are painful to have in their vaginas.
I find there is such a array of procedures available to satisfy a woman, that this intercourse problem is really not a problem at all.
As you have pointed out giving a big penis owner a deep throat blowjob can really be difficult. Thus that small penis is a delight.
Second, the man should reciprocate by giving his partner a delightful head job or blowjob depending upon your sexual orientation.
Oral delights are a natural progression from kissing, to French kissing, to contact with the genitals.
However, above all else is that passion that is inflamed in both females and males, that is the real glue of sex.
The displayed desire of the aroused female instantly results in a erection. It says you are desirous, you are wanted. What a validation of maleness!
Well, back to Earth. I look forward to your new subject of discussion.
Sounds like you have some friends with a bit of the Goldilocks syndrome – it’s too big, it’s too small, etc, with some people just have. I still think these reactions are in the minority.
It’s very true that being giving sexually in all sorts of ways is tremendously important, I just hope that people respect the penis in all of that no matter what.
Passion is the most fundamental aspect of all sexual connection, and you are so right about that. Everything else is secondary… And size is tertiary or later as far as I’m concerned.
Yes, Camille. The #1 thing is to not worry about it. Be comfortable with it, and we will, too.
You couldn’t be more right, Aqua Vulva. Setting a standard of comfort and confidence in your body will make others follow. Absolutely.
Well said, as always, Camille.
Thank you so much, Cal. Did I hopefully illuminate anything?
The idea of being influenced by pornstars’ exaggerated bodies is so true, and yet so ridiculous– it’s like if everybody watched the Olympics and then felt bad that they couldn’t swim/run/jump/etc at the same gold-medal level. Or listening to a Jimi Hendrix song and feeling bad that you can’t play the guitar like a god. Actually, that may be one of the most insidious parts of mainstream porn– not the videos themselves, but all those “sidebar” pop-up ads promoting how easy it is to “add six inches to your penis,” or whatever— [mainstream] porn is one of the few forms of entertainment that shows exaggerated bodies/actions, but then makes its viewers feel inadequate if they don’t “measure up.” If only all porn was like TAOB, where the passion and pleasure lie in affirming integrity and creativity, not in rejecting reality!
As for underestimating my own size, I’ve learned to “trick” myself by shaving the pubic hair above my penis— physically, nothing changes, but visually (looking down) it seems like I’ve added an inch to my length. Frivolous, but fun– and, most importantly, harmless.
It’s also been noted plenty of times that it has been so helpful and healthy to see Mike as a porn performer with a “normal” sized penis. I’d like to re-emphasize that point, and also include Max and Rye in the mix— two more revolutionary men who aren’t afraid to show the world that just because your cock isn’t knocking over telephone poles doesn’t mean it can’t get some of the best loving on the planet.
Exactly. You’ve named three very beautiful penises with different looks and sizes, but all worthy of love and attention, because all are!
Absolutely! You are so right about those sidebar ads. If the Olympics had ads telling us that we could be just like the athletes with a few simple tricks or pills, we’d all be feeling inadequate… It’s a very bad cycle.
Well i have a small penis – i sued a penis developer to help keep a girl interested in me but she was so shallow. I got married and my wife hates my size complaining its too tiny – she was virgin when we got married but looks at other guys. I had an affair with a girl who was more understanding but i could tell she preferred bigger men. So i resisted making love to her, kept holding her back cos well i was afraid that she’d laugh at my size – id kiss her all over and when we made love – i put her in the deep stick position. I tried my best but she s off with larger men. The moral is if they are used to larger men, confidence is a great thing, I can get them home but its there prejudgement that loses me so many partners. Im good at oral sex and am very imaginative but still the article was an excellent read – finally found a woman so understanding,
I’m really sorry to hear that… Have you considered talking to a doctor or therapist about this? It sounds like you don’t have the best people around you to be reasonable and fair with your body.
thank you Miss Camille, a good start!
i read once from a lady talking, that length of a penis is not important as much as the width. she says that gives a woman much pleasure but the extra long one doesn’t.
well, i must that you for this line again “In a word: yes. Your penis is big enough. Don’t worry about it.”
I am so happy that this line resonated with you. As for width even, women have different opinions. The main thing is that size in all ways doesn’t mean nearly as much as men worry it does.
Again, a topic that I relate to. I do fall under the “average” range that you mention, Camille. But I also cannot help but feel inadequate at times. It has been discussed extensively here, but I always feel better after being here.
Conversely, I recently saw a female comic. She made the comment that “All men will eventually get an Asian girl. Because their vaginas are so small.” While I cannot speak to that, not having been with many girls, I wonder how many women really feel this way. I can’t imagine that it’s as wide spread as mens’ insecurities about their penises, is it?
I don’t think our anxiety is the same, but I do think that it does sort of go hand in hand with male insecurities about size. Inadequacy is a shadow that stalks a lot of people, so we just need to all try to look on the bright side.
I agree, Camille– it’s a “glass-half-full / glass-half-empty” perspective. A person can spend his/her life being crushed by the size of a penis/vagina/breasts/balls/whatever, or they can focus on the positive aspects– learning creative new ways to experience/share pleasure, learning to emphasize parts they are proud of, etc.
As for vagina size, I’m just happy for those rare occasions when I am honored with access to one at all, whether it’s cramped or cavernous! And if my penis doesn’t fit (too big or too small), then there’s always my fingers, or tongue, or toys. “Adopt, adapt, improve!”
You are so right. It’s all about perspective, and having a positive outlook on yourself can only yield positive results in this department, as long as you’re open and you care about your partner too.
i’d just like to add that in my forays into the porn industry, i’d like to tell people that a lot of porn actresses fear the bigger penises. I know one in particular was quite finicky with her filming partners, concerning size. And that bigger dicks in porn films are usually so that the camera can see the action.
On a side note, as long as your penis is bigger than her index finger, you’re fine.
I can totally imagine that. It would be hard to not be worried about getting hurt… And that would hurt!
Well said camile, out of curiosity how big is the guy in your videos?
We don’t really want to discuss specifics, honestly. No matter what we say, it doesn’t really matter.
Camille,
I just spotted this interesting Canadian study that looks at a small group of Australian women’s penis size preferences. The study draws some interesting conclusions, but I don’t think it actually addresses women’s penis size likes and dislikes with regard to actual sexual activity; the study only looked at penis size and overall attractiveness. Nor do I feel that it invalidates your very reasonable (and reassuring!) remarks. None the less, the study is kind of interesting.
Here’s the link:
Oops, I must have screwed up the link code. Here’s the link as text:
http://healthland.time.com/2013/04/09/size-does-matter-study-shows-women-judge-male-attractiveness-by-penis-size/
And another try with the href:
Thanks!
I was considering sharing that, actually. Good catch.
Hmm, one last attempt (to see where the problem lies with my coding):
Women Judge Male Attractiveness Based on Penis Size
I’ll add this to the links I have on it.
Camille,
Check out this article about Oversized Cocks
Wow, looks like an interesting read.
Hey Camille. I agree totally with you on the size thing…I do find it hot though when women talk about it. I dont know why. Would you consider in your next vid on art of BJ, you measure your man’s dick before sucking it? Thanks, im a big fan
No, I don’t think I’ll ever be doing that. That’s really not what our site is about. Sorry!