I’ve definitely asked my fair share of questions about the way you interact with porn, but here I go again. It helps me understand my own business, of course, but it also helps me to understand more of the humanity of porn in general. Or, at least its potential for genuine connection and value beyond erotic entertainment… Not that there’s anything wrong with being strictly entertaining and erotic at times. ;)
Recently, I was asking everywhere what porn made people feel about their own bodies, largely in terms of self-image, but has porn helped you to actually know your body? Has it, for example, shown you new techniques to explore when it comes to masturbation? Has it shown a sexual quirk that you thought you were alone in having? Has it helped you to try new things sexually, ultimately opening up a wider variety of sensations?
For me, I think that, the more I watch porn, the more I see more differences in the way people approach their bodies. I see people who show everything, others who show very little, some who touch themselves like me, others who go about things very differently. It’s erotic to see and it makes me feel really good about the potential that other people have when watching porn and developing and taking charge of their own sexualities.
Of course, this depends on the type of porn… I’m operating under the assumption that we’re watching porn with a bit more diversity in bodies, in the way people explore their own pleasure and pleasure with each other…
So, have you had any moments like this? Do you remember what kind of porn it was or what it helped you to know about your body, either physically or intuitively? This helps me to shape things, sure, but I think it’ll also help us all be able to find value in porn and in ourselves.
Porn has given me some ideas in the past,but the take away that I get is we are all different and do different things.You are right about some people being exhibitionists and otheres not so much.I like the tender soft side of porn although some rough stuff can be fun once in a great while.
It’s as good to know that personally as it to know that as a pornographer. It’s definitely an important designation to make in your life.
I was a relative latecomer to porn– I didn’t watch my first online video until well into my 20s. The closest I got as a kid/teenager was the monthly “Victoria’s Secret” catalogue and one well-thumbed “Playboy,” and all they taught me was “boobs are cool.” I also grew up without any intimate male mentors– i.e., nobody showed me how to masturbate or have sex, etc.
Industry-standard porn has always seemed like an anti-role model, since it has mostly taught me that all sex should be hard, fast, last forever, and involve 21 different positions; that all women should be brainless bimbos craving the biggest cock they can find; and that all men should be stallions eager to penetrate whatever orifice is currently available. That type of porn “educated” me that I was doing everything wrong– I was too inadequately endowed and too “vanilla” during sex.
In contrast, human-positive porn like TAOB has taught me that it’s reality that matters– physically, emotionally, and romantically. Really connecting with someone for who they really are, and trying to give them real, personalized pleasure– including myself!
I honestly don’t watch porn to try to learn too many “new moves,” because I want to keep my imagination open to tailor each unique situation to each unique person. Sure, I want to have a big bag of tricks to try, but I don’t want to just start X-ing or Y-ing somebody— I want to explore the moment with them and see what they really want. Beautiful porn has taught me that, and has also reinforced the fact that everyone is different, with different bodies and different ways of finding pleasure, and our differences are what make us beautiful.
I’m so glad that the porn out there in the more intimate range was able to undo some of that initial negativity.
I also think that your point about giving nuanced pleasure to everyone, including yourself, is really important. Just as many people are too selfish in sex, a lot of people are also too selfless too… Everyone needs to have a good time. And imagination is definitely a huge part of that.
I have had porn in my life for quite a while. Of course in the beginning, we look to porn to learn about sex. I can honestly say that some of what I do came from that time. I actually read some clinical sex articles also. That’s where I learned about things like bending the penis during intercourse to stimulate the clitoris. I would use this information and improvise on it. I never got that from porn.
It wasn’t very common to see a guy masturbate in porn, except for a money shot. But when they did, I tried what they did. Some of it was ridiculous, some not. Very early on, whether it be print or video, I was always attracted to eyes. If a woman just looked at the camera a certain way, that was it (See slowmotionblowjob.com). It didn’t take long to realize that most of them were phony and acting more or less. Also, like many here, TAOB has opened a door that we have all been waiting to be opened. Before TAOB, I always had a problem cumming while getting serviced orally. I just could not relax or sit still. But thanks to the inspiration of TAOB, I was able to relax and let go, and fully accept and enjoy it.
So like a broken record, thank you Camille.
I’m glad that you were able to fuse learning from different parts of your sexual experience. Having the scientific background to cast a thoughtful eye to porn is really important. It enables us to differentiate reality from patent fantasy.
Hearing that you’ve been able to relax, let go and really enjoy oral sex to orgasm makes me tremendously happy. Tremendously.
My first encounter with porn was a video about the kamasutra. In whitch different postures were shown. Not in a pornograpic way but very sensual. My first thought were: “that’s how i want to explore/ experience sex”.
Over the years i tried different things, alone or with my female partner. it gave me more satisfaction, more intense.
But now, i’m single. And have ocasional sex, but what stunded me is the fact how many woman out there who don’t know there own body, or that of a man.
Believe me there stil out there: the “misionary” types, i main that’s the only way they now how to have sex. No blowing, etc.
Some of them seem to be afraid to take a dick into there hands. And even get sick of the thought of putting one in there mouth.
Resulting in the fact that i have reasure them that they don’t have to be afraid, not to say that the sex for me at such moments is not satisfying.
I have to ad that some woman find it revealing.
So, altough there is more sexual freedom, a lot of people mis out on it.
think it’s “dirty”. as if sperm is toxic wast, not to touch i any way.
i feel that a lot of people don’t know what there missing!
Sex can be devine!!
keep it playfull, relaxed, and enjoy every little detail.
It would be ideal if we were all more familiar with our bodies… That’s where honest sex-ed comes in. Sex is scary when we really don’t know what to do, especially when society has told us some not-so-great things about sexuality. I hope that people can find partners who can gentle coax them to open up… That’s a good thing too, in absence of better education and self-exploration.
I’m probably the old timer in this group and can recall my first porn movie at a drive-in theatre……teenage massage palor! Then thankfully came the VCR in the eighties.Looking back,I can say that porn is not a good educator.In most ways,it is an inaccurate portrayal of reality.Sure,you learn the mechanics of sex and the potential for different ways to get off.I watch TAOB not to learn anything but for its sheer production beauty.I follow the blog because its intelligent and interesting.Sex for me is an inside out experience,not about relying on outside stimulis.The potential for greater pleasure can be maximized if one learns to cultivate and move their inner sexual energy.The study of Tantra has showed me how to do this.The potential for orgasm without ejaculation for example can be attained with the knowledge of how this energy moves.
Aw, you’re not old. It’s great to get a wider variety of experiences here. It makes conversation so much more rich and developed.
I’m glad to know that the stuff I do is beyond education for you. As much as I think it’s an important facet, it’s certainly not the only reason I share myself and my life online. And your tantric explorations sound really cool!
I must admit that I got some “inspiration” by porn…so, the mission is to get maximum pleasure for me and my partner, in a great, wonderful and shared experience, it’s art, right?
Sometimes, we look some porn scenes togheter, I think that this is a so much exciting and erotic situation, indeed
I like that. It’s simple an effective. Everybody needs to have a good time.
As previously stated in an above comment, I’m not sure I’ve ever believed in porn as an educator. Mostly because what is mainstream, that is most available, is one dimensional. To me most of it is simply is the objectification of body, based on gender stereo types modeled after power insecurities. You really have to look hard to find something that celebrates human sexuality. I am incredibly encouraged by the fact that the industry has seen gains in women behind the camera creating porn. Two good examples of that are this website and the “I feel myself” site. In these we see healthy functioning relationships, not only with the self’s sexuality, but that shared with partners.
I caught a news-blip on my email site from the Huffington Post about questions women most wanted to ask their mother, and of course, how their moms felt about their own sexuality was high on the list. How I think this is important to this discussion is that what a lot of folks are seeking is not only entertainment, but a qualitative impression of how sexuality fits into the human drama, how it feels constructively, and how to interact with it in relationships. Watching a woman who is openly masturbating on camera, or a couple engaging in oral sex, are not we connecting with some sense of ourselves?
I really don’t know how to help you with specifics about what you are doing here, except to say that it feels like you are raising the standard of the multi-dimensional human-being by relating a long repressed and misunderstood but never the less important part of the human experience in beautiful palettes of joy. Thank you for asking!
That piece from the Huffington Post sounds wonderfully illuminating. More people just need to be clear about what they need to know, but knowing that they need to know things is in itself a form of knowledge… Ugh. Society makes this all far too complicated.
Your feedback is absolutely appreciated and thoroughly applied to my life and ambition, honestly.
First off, I love that picture of you! Very beautiful. It’s only been in the last few years that I’ve really paid much attention to porn. I do recall one of my boyfriends having some videos. A girl friend and and I watched one late one night because she wanted to see some different techniques and how to give a better blowjob.
I think porn can be useful for lots of things. Showing different ways to masterbate or different positions. New things to try and can be used for arousal. Also ways to improve on techinques. I think it all depends on what the individual wants to get out of what they are watching.
You’re very right, JJ. The state of mind that we go in with and the expectations we have definitely informs what we can get out of porn, at least most decently respectful porn. I’m glad that it’s been something to slowly help with that for so many people.
II warc oieb because basically i have o self confidence – my wife likes more well endowed men – i masturbate alot and use it to arouse myself – u grown used to it, its easier to watch it than to seek a partner who get me over my low self esteem and lack of confidence whilst dealing with my perosnal issues about miy body.
I’m really sorry to hear that. I hope your wife doesn’t force that on you or make you feel bad about your body. There are all sorts of ways for penises to be amazing and gorgeous and sexy and useful. Have you (either alone or with your wife) ever spoken to someone about this? I hope you can find a way to work it out.