I know that I promised the thrilling conclusion of Sophie’s odyssey into the world of Feminist Porn, but I decided to take a day off in between to show that I haven’t just turned over the blogging duties for the week, and also because I had a nice little Twitter exchange today with a longtime friend and I thought I’d reiterate the message here for the good of everyone involved!
I get a lot of e-mails (a LOT of e-mails) from people asking me how to get their girlfriend/wife to give them better blowjobs. They talk about how great the ones on The Art of Blowjob are and how they wish they could have just that, or they wish that their girlfriend/wife would be more spontaneous and give them more often and in sexy new ways.
These are totally valid desires, but the problem is… Often, my first follow up to determine how to go about making this happen is to ask what they do otherwise in their sex life and what they do to ensure that their girlfriend/wife are satisfied and their mind just draw a blank, or they say that she never complains, or that she doesn’t seem that interested in sex… Well, there’s your problem. If you don’t know what she likes or how to help have sex that she’ll enjoy, why would it be reciprocated?
Now, this isn’t to say that it shouldn’t be both person’s responsibility to make sure the sex is fulfilling, but if you’re the one wanting more, it ends up being on you to at least get the ball rolling. So, what do you do? Talk. Find gentle, romantic ways to find out what she wants and make sure to do those things consistently, without trying to barter for blowjobs or whatever else you might want. Make her feel beautiful and special and loved. Get to a place where the sex you have is wonderful, loving, passionate and inventive.
Chances are, by the time you’ve gotten to that place, you will already be getting stellar blowjobs and probably other fun things too, but if it’s been a month or two and it hasn’t changed despite lots of genuine work to make her feel loved and appreciated, then it’s time to bring up what you want and talk about that honestly. You shouldn’t want ONLY blowjobs or blowjobs every single day at all hours, but a reasonable amount of blowjobs, tempered with the same quality treatment you’ve been giving to her. Hopefully at that point, things will change if they haven’t already.
So, I hope this helped! This one obviously went out to the men, but it goes for everyone! It just happens to be most applicable, since I mostly get e-mails from people who want blowjobs, AKA men.
YES…treat her well and love her BUT treat everyone with respect,care,understanding,and love.
BTW
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Good one mate!
I agree. Also… HA!
It’s surprising your advice isn’t common sense. But then again there are far to many selfish people out there who only care about getting themselves off and not their partner and then wonder why their partner doesn’t want to have sex. Nice to see you and Mike show you both get pleasure from your blowjobs. Although it would be nice to see just a little more of Mike getting you off.
Very very true JJ blowjobs arnt for boys only…would be lovely to see Mike bringing Camille to orgasm..
Glad you agree Peter. Maybe if we pled enough times she’ll make a video where after she gets done giving Mike his blowjob he can get her off. And he could just use his fingers so the sexy appeal of him not showing his face would still be there. Come on, just one time at least Camille!
Please, please, pretty please!
Maaaaybe.
Who knows? Maybe eventually…
Maaaaybe! Yes, yes, yes! Please! At least you’re thinking about it. And just think of how fun it would be for you and Mike. And us.
It could be fun. We’ll see!
I guess I just use the term blowjob exclusively for men and cunnilingus for women.
Btw, blowjob is one of my least favorite words. It makes a wonderful sexual experience sound like a mundane manual task, as in: “Hey Bob, grab the air hose and give those steel rods a good blowjob.”
Blowjob is so unsexy and seems a term unbefitting the artistry of Camille’s extraordinarily talent.
So, Camille, on behalf of the English language, I offer an apology.
Well, I think blowjob can sound fun in a way. It sound kind of bouncy.
Camille, if you like the word, that’s cool. I love blowjobs but its staying on my personal list of bad English words.
p.s. See Camille, I can disagree with you without having to apologies for it. I’m making real progress.
You sure have!
Hi JJ, I missed you.
Aww. Well you know our secret place to go to.
I will bring champagne and a laptop loaded with a certain collection of videos.
p.s. If you think I’m being too flirty, please let me know.
Will you’re a sweetie. I know you’re teasing and don’t worry about being too flirty. I didn’t think to bring a laptop with video collections. Good idea. I guess I thought more along the lines of roleplaying if we got bored. Although no one can measure up to Camille.
Oh, you two!
I would be very game for some roleplaying and we would be bored for long.
Duh…Would not be bored for long. See JJ, you get me so wound up I can’t even type properly!
Camille, JJ and I would “get a room” but we are currently in the wrong universe.
It’s okay.
It’s sad that it isn’t, so it certainly is worth repeating.
You’ve summed it up perfectly, nothing more needs to be said. Communicate, communicate, communicate!
(And taking this topic on a tangent, does everyone notice how Camille perfectly demonstrates this form of respectful communication with US? She’s always asking us what we want, listening to what we say, finding new ways to give us something more. If anyone is confused about how to talk to people, learn from a master: Camille!)
((And on a further tangent, I spent today reading all the old posts on this blog, Camille, and I’m astounded by how quickly your written English has become flawless in such a relatively short time. It may seem like a small detail, but it deserves big congratulations!))
OMG! I also noticed how rapidly Camille mastered English!
She is crazy smart and that’s not just idle flattery.
Well, it’s been steadily improving over the years, but only since we decided to get really serious with the company and me taking on a lot more social media/blogging role did it become the most important thing.
Thanks on all points, Cal. I’ve been trying to be the best example of communication I can and I’ve been reading lots and double-checking things with Sophie to make sure that what I want to say comes across clearly. Putting more emphasis on that has been very important for me.
Camille, I have wanted to compliment you on your skill with English for a while but I didn’t want to seem like some pompous Anglo patting the French school girl on the head for earning high marks in English. I am also aware that language has often been an issue of contention in Canada.
If I hadn’t known you were Quebecois before I read your blog, I would have never suspected that English was not your native tongue. I make a real effort to write well and have written extensively in English for my entire adult life. Yet I often read your posts and think “that’s some first rate writing.” All the time and effort you have spent working on English has paid off in full. You have mastered English and you should be proud.
Folks, how many “porn stars” get fan mail praising their writing skills? Go on, try to find a post like mine and Cal’s on any other porn star’s site. I double dog dare you.
Thanks very much!
Totally agree – I didn’t realise Camille’s first language wasn’t English until I heard her and Mike talking in the background at the start of one of their videos.
Mind you, French is such a sexy sounding language I’m not sure why anyone bothers with English in the bedroom (other than lack of aptitude, like in my case). Mike could have been giving Camille instructions for loading the dishwasher for all I know but it still sounded very swoony!
Awww, shucks. I’m glad my French is improving. And you’re right, French is pretty sexy. I love being bilingual!
By the way, this is nice timing for this post: an article in the New York Times today about how vibrators are flooding the market, being sold at “normal” stores (instead of just sex shops), being manufactured by condom companies so men will accept them more as a normal part of sex, and just about how much more socially acceptable it is for women to masturbate or enhance their sexual experiences. Want to treat her well? Buy her extra batteries for her birthday!
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/21/fashion/21VIBRATORS.html?_r=1#
That is really cool! I have noticed that a bit at the pharmacies around here. They have vibrating cock rings with the condoms and they have a much better selection of lubes, it seems.
A surprising number of men seldom if ever praise the beauty of their partner. They’re not callus, just clueless. Here’s the average guy’s logic: “We are sex partners so of course she knows I think she’s beautiful.”
Looking back, I’m pretty sure some of my first relationships with women fizzled because I never told them they were beautiful or praised them in other ways. I thought it, I felt it and just didn’t tell them. Women are empathetic but not mind-readers. So gentlemen, tell the woman in your life that you think they are beautiful on a regular basis…and not just because you want more blowjobs.
It’s kind of sad. I try to give lots of compliments all the time, lots of nice words to people who are important to me. Especially with Mike, because he really deserves it, and he does it right back to me.
A Tale of Non-reciprocation.
Years ago, I dated a woman who I really liked and we had a lot of good sex together. By alas, I was not getting any oral sex from her. I’m a patient guy and I thought she just needed to reach a certain comfort level with me. But weeks passed and still no blowjobs.
I then thought: “To receive, one must first give.” I tried going south of her border but she waved me off with a “please don’t.” I raised the subject the next day. It turned out that she just felt self-conscious about it. I assured her that it was something I loved doing and she gave me the green light.
So the next four or five times we had sex, I licked her until she came (I recall my tongue getting rather sore). But still no blowjobs. Finally I worked up the nerve to tactfully suggest want I would like her to do. Her reply: “Oh…I don’t do that.” I was very disappointed but I couldn’t be upset with her. She was just being honest. Fortunately, she left to study in Spain a few weeks later thus sparing me a very awkward breakup.
I’m a guy who loves blowjobs and I doubt I could have a truly satisfying relationship with a woman who didn’t give them. Call me selfish but at least I’m honest. And lets just say I am very satisfied in my current relationship.
There is no moral to my tale, I just thought it seemed relevant.
“I don’t do that” is rarely a good excuse. I mean, sure, it takes a while for people to warm up and sometimes they’ve hard terrible experiences that preclude that from being a possibility, but most of the time, it’s just important to give and take equally, or to understand that you’re not going to be able to have a successful sexual relationship with a good chunk of the population. It’s hard to know who is giving until it’s too late often.
She was uninhibited about sex and was very nice. She just did not want to give blowjobs. Sex is not that much fun if the other person is not enjoying what they are doing.
I have a story about a “semen-phobic” partner I once had but I will save that for another day.
Yikes, that sounds pretty rough!
‘I don’t do that’ is sometimes code for ‘I don’t know how’ or ‘somebody forced me to in the past so of course I didn’t enjoy it’.
If anybody was to ask my advice, I’d show them Camille’s Take It Slow video so they could see how it’s done properly, that it can be very sexy and that the giver can be in control.
A lot of women who don’t have a lot experience in this area have only seen blow jobs in your standard, run-of-the-mill porn and that’s not often a particularly appetising prospect for many of us ladies.
You’re so right, RT! It’s only in time and with the right introduction that people can really enjoy most things… Blowjobs included!
I wrote about my fascination with gingers before. What I want to see is Mike reciprocating. I know I get off on my wife’s arched back while I suckle, lick or deep tongue her sensitive parts. All should be featured, breasts, anal, clitoral, perineum. Artful “Blow-jobs” should go both ways.
Does Mike know about the “Venus butterfly”? Can I show you how it works?
For now we’re just focused on blowjobs. Maybe some day!